What a weird mix. Happiness and exhaustion. I've had an absolutely amazing weekend, I cant even begin to describe it. Yet, I am so overcome by all the sudden plans and the projects and the assignments due tomorrow and the finals and the camps and picnics and AHHHH! But seriously, it was so amazing to see everyone today! Now that I finally met Alec, seems like LWBC is gonna be the bomb!
Which means that yes, I did get into LWBC!!! Judy is my new hero for letting me come first week! And so far all the people going first week: ME! masha, joe, jenna, anna, ryan, josh, alec! How amazing is this week for camp gonna be! I loved last year so hopefully, this year will be just as wonderful! Although I'm a little nervous about something, but well, its all in God's hands!
Its amazing how quickly things can change! Poor Ryan almost got his neighbor's house burnt down during his grad party. But it wasnt his fault. Definatly a party to remember, thats for sure! And then 3 more grad parties left! Yay : ) Just so much going on and through all of this its so great to remember all that we got taught today during youth meeting!
Our leaders are just so amazing, and Im not saying that cuz like 3 are my cousins. They really are! And they're just a hilarious bunch that are really examples for us in everything, literally! Its just amazing to see such passionate people on fire for God! Wish we had more people like that! I can imagine how hard it is for them though...but they're just amazing.
Pretty sure thats what will keep me going, the knowing that soon summer will come. And summer is filled with trips, bonfires, volleyball, lakes, singing, driving, tanning, sleeping, and just any other amazing thing you can think of. What a great thought to remember during a final or something : )
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Every Fingerprint is Different
I'm feeling very confused at the moment. Nothing especially memorable has happened recently..then why do I feel so strange? Not happy, not sad, not energetic, not listless. I dont have a headache, yet my head aches in a numb way. This is just too weird. Today was a beautiful day, weather-wise. Yet, something is wrong! If only I knew what. Maybe..its the uncertainty of things. I have realized that I have little to no control over my life..and that sucks. So many events that are so important to me, I really have little influence over. Maybe thats why I feel so strange. Maybe I'm just being my typical overexagerative self.
I've also realized how distinct each personality of each one of my friends is. There are the good things and there are the bad, but each of us is so uniquly different! Its just so amazing! I seem to be the girly,dreamy,blonde one who waits for her prince and still considers herself a princess. I truely thought that the majority of my friends are exactly like that, but oh my, I am wrong! There's the little ballerina, who has a strong spirit and a bright mind but is wild dreamer of sorts. There's the other little ballerina, who has a deep artistic mind with a passion for expression. There's the crazy loud one who doesn't know what she wants yet but is ready to work for it. There's the focused, determined one who has a fiery spirit. There's the broken hearted one whom God keeps melting in order to build up. There's the one who has a side thats crazy and loud yet she wants to be successful and demure. We are all so so so different. I think I got a gift as well. Same gift as my dad has, the ability to read people.
Hannah commented on this in math, she said something like "You notice things dont you". And I do! I very rarely express what I notice, just file it in for future pondering. I find people fascinating! The myriad of differences God created in each person and yet, there's enough commonalities to make frienships. Its so intricate and beautiful. Looking at people and theire personalities, how can someone say this was all created on accident? That we evolved from animals? No! Each personal preference, each personality trait was specifially created by God to specifically create that specific person. It actually gives life a legitimate meaning. To know that you, yes you! were created cell by cell specifically to be exactly as you are...why that means that there's someone out there who loves you! And knows exactly who you are, even better than you know! Wow, let that sink in.
And Annichka from TN wrote me a little note before she left. I love little notes like that! Thats the kind of stuff I keep and reread in 15 years. Well in her note, she added this little bit that really touched me. "I have a feeling that you will do extraordinary things through God in your life." That was like a jolt! Wow, maybe she's right. Maybe God does have someting special in mind for me. Maybe thats why he keeps making these things happen to me. Why did mom die? Why did dad get addicted? Why did we get into the accident? Why was I hospitalized? Why is my health always in danger? Why did I have to leave FBS and come to Edina? Why is dad disabled? Why cant I go to college? Why cant I find a job? And you know what...those are all little pieces of a big puzzle, my life! Someday, everything will be clear.
Some people call this a romantic thing. A crutch for a weak person. Just my imagination. But really, I KNOW its true. People will ask me to explain this, but I cant. I'd love to with all my heart, but is something you understand only after Jesus becomes your Savior. Ha that makes me sound like I'm saying I'm better than others. Oh my, I am NOT. I've done bad things, some bad things that I really dont regret that much. But I try not to do some things...ahh I'm so bad at phrasing things! Grr! Well, main point, Its true.
One of the biggest things I hear is people at school calling me innocent. "Oh you dont know things? you're just too innocent." Well, when did innocence become bad? I strive to keep my innocence although yeahh lost it in some aspects. This culture just pushes us young people to try everything as fast as we can and in a big of doses as we can. Why? Who knows.
And its so hard to not feel inferior when guys chose "those" girls over you. Like that one saying, "Girls are like apples on a tree. Guys pick the ones that have fallen off the tree and are rotting on by the roots because those are the easiest apples to eat. But the best and more sought after apples in the end, are the ones at the very very top because they are the most protected and freshest." Thats kinda what me and Anya were talking about. If he's not willing to respect you and actually mirror your love of God, then he's not worth it. God has something extra special for you, if you let God take control. And AHHH that can be so so so so hard! I recently read "Authentic Beauty". Its an amazing book that I borrowed from Karina. It talks about all these things and I encourage every girl to read it. It will help you I guarantee!
So my handsome stranger is now not constantly in my thoughts! What a relief! I have much else to worry about! But I still wonder about him, and pray. Maybe he is something special. Maybe not. Either way, why bother worrying. Although I still respect him oh so much. And my plans for this summer...ahhh. I guess I'm not going to LWBC : ( and Summer Retreat is the same time as Illinois camp...so I'm torn. But again...its all in God's hands.
The future is so uncertain! Its just crazy, but I really think that it'll all be ok. So many things happening, I dont even have to energy to write about them. And its all coming up so fast. Got a new bumper on my car : ) but the check engine light is one again and my car is using up an abnormal amount of gas...again...grrr. But hopefully that'll all work. One more day left in the week : )
I've also realized how distinct each personality of each one of my friends is. There are the good things and there are the bad, but each of us is so uniquly different! Its just so amazing! I seem to be the girly,dreamy,blonde one who waits for her prince and still considers herself a princess. I truely thought that the majority of my friends are exactly like that, but oh my, I am wrong! There's the little ballerina, who has a strong spirit and a bright mind but is wild dreamer of sorts. There's the other little ballerina, who has a deep artistic mind with a passion for expression. There's the crazy loud one who doesn't know what she wants yet but is ready to work for it. There's the focused, determined one who has a fiery spirit. There's the broken hearted one whom God keeps melting in order to build up. There's the one who has a side thats crazy and loud yet she wants to be successful and demure. We are all so so so different. I think I got a gift as well. Same gift as my dad has, the ability to read people.
Hannah commented on this in math, she said something like "You notice things dont you". And I do! I very rarely express what I notice, just file it in for future pondering. I find people fascinating! The myriad of differences God created in each person and yet, there's enough commonalities to make frienships. Its so intricate and beautiful. Looking at people and theire personalities, how can someone say this was all created on accident? That we evolved from animals? No! Each personal preference, each personality trait was specifially created by God to specifically create that specific person. It actually gives life a legitimate meaning. To know that you, yes you! were created cell by cell specifically to be exactly as you are...why that means that there's someone out there who loves you! And knows exactly who you are, even better than you know! Wow, let that sink in.
And Annichka from TN wrote me a little note before she left. I love little notes like that! Thats the kind of stuff I keep and reread in 15 years. Well in her note, she added this little bit that really touched me. "I have a feeling that you will do extraordinary things through God in your life." That was like a jolt! Wow, maybe she's right. Maybe God does have someting special in mind for me. Maybe thats why he keeps making these things happen to me. Why did mom die? Why did dad get addicted? Why did we get into the accident? Why was I hospitalized? Why is my health always in danger? Why did I have to leave FBS and come to Edina? Why is dad disabled? Why cant I go to college? Why cant I find a job? And you know what...those are all little pieces of a big puzzle, my life! Someday, everything will be clear.
Some people call this a romantic thing. A crutch for a weak person. Just my imagination. But really, I KNOW its true. People will ask me to explain this, but I cant. I'd love to with all my heart, but is something you understand only after Jesus becomes your Savior. Ha that makes me sound like I'm saying I'm better than others. Oh my, I am NOT. I've done bad things, some bad things that I really dont regret that much. But I try not to do some things...ahh I'm so bad at phrasing things! Grr! Well, main point, Its true.
One of the biggest things I hear is people at school calling me innocent. "Oh you dont know things? you're just too innocent." Well, when did innocence become bad? I strive to keep my innocence although yeahh lost it in some aspects. This culture just pushes us young people to try everything as fast as we can and in a big of doses as we can. Why? Who knows.
And its so hard to not feel inferior when guys chose "those" girls over you. Like that one saying, "Girls are like apples on a tree. Guys pick the ones that have fallen off the tree and are rotting on by the roots because those are the easiest apples to eat. But the best and more sought after apples in the end, are the ones at the very very top because they are the most protected and freshest." Thats kinda what me and Anya were talking about. If he's not willing to respect you and actually mirror your love of God, then he's not worth it. God has something extra special for you, if you let God take control. And AHHH that can be so so so so hard! I recently read "Authentic Beauty". Its an amazing book that I borrowed from Karina. It talks about all these things and I encourage every girl to read it. It will help you I guarantee!
So my handsome stranger is now not constantly in my thoughts! What a relief! I have much else to worry about! But I still wonder about him, and pray. Maybe he is something special. Maybe not. Either way, why bother worrying. Although I still respect him oh so much. And my plans for this summer...ahhh. I guess I'm not going to LWBC : ( and Summer Retreat is the same time as Illinois camp...so I'm torn. But again...its all in God's hands.
The future is so uncertain! Its just crazy, but I really think that it'll all be ok. So many things happening, I dont even have to energy to write about them. And its all coming up so fast. Got a new bumper on my car : ) but the check engine light is one again and my car is using up an abnormal amount of gas...again...grrr. But hopefully that'll all work. One more day left in the week : )
Friday, May 22, 2009
Just a Little One.
So the conference started. Cute little event really. They're all so small and excited, I just love it! I remember being like that too : ) Just came back from Karina's house and our little tea party with the Tennessee people. It was great to see them again! Currently, Irina is at my house : ) Good, crazy times...missed that girl! Hadn't seen her in half a year! And then hang out with everyone tomorrow and bonfire at Dan's house after church! Guess I'll end up coming at midnight again! Yay good ol' Russian/Ukrainian tea parties! Cant wait for tomorrow, just to see what it'll bring. Goodnight :)
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Whirlwind of Emotions
What a beautiful title to this post and oh my how accurate it is! Thats the bad side of being this enthusiastic, emotional person...everything tends to become personal and amazing. So the wedding was absolutely spectacular! Maybe not the biggest or most expensive or even best organized wedding, but the people we met there...KLAS : ) And it was amazing to hang out with Karina. I really cant figure out what, but there was something extra special going on. I really cant say what though, just have no idea. But this weekend was amazing in some kind of extra special way.
And not because of the handsome stranger either.
Speaking of handsome strangers...oh my. I dont even know what to say. I should be used to this stranger business by now but for some reason I'm really excited over it. Maybe because I havent really reacted to any guy like this for a while. But seriously...he was something to react over. But we'll just give it a few weeks to a month and see whether I forget about him or not. And usually, I do. Either way...whatever happens, happens.
As for this weekend...oh my goodness. The teen conference starts on friday! I'm very very excited to see everyone from out of state and all the churches whom I never see. Expecially my Annichka! And the most awsome part of it is that I dont have to be part of the conference. Which is great cuz we're having a carwash for missions to Russia on saturday. Cant wait : ) And its gonna be interesting to watch the conference and the kids from a more distant perspective.
It was always pretty touching to see how strongly the kids react to the preachers but also sad to see how low some of them have slipped. I mean, by the age of 13, they've done more things than I have(in a bad sense). But all we can do is pray for them. I was watching an Amish documentary type thing today and some of the things they say about faith and heaven makes sense and sounds like something I believe, but then if you listen more closely...they also say things that either exclude inportant parts of Bible verses or they slightly tweak a Biblical concept to mean a slightly different thing. Thats very dangerous. When it sounds just about right, but yet there's something a little off. Well, im not in a really philosophical mood tonight..so we'll leave it alone.
Continuing on the topic of handsome strangers...where is that one beautiful person Jamie and Elizabeth noticed at lunch? Who is he? Where is he from? Did he just come here, or where has he been hiding all this time? Why does no one know who he is? Although he seems like he's a senior. And seems like he would play hockey/football/something of the sort. So he doesnt matter.Although it brings some fun into lunches.
These past few days have just been the best days of my life. Well, maybe not, but they've been absolutly GREAT! Probably because of the sunshine. And my creation of a profile at odnokassniki.ru. Yay for Russian facebook : ) its actually really interesting although it completly wipes away all potential of being a stalker.
So whirlwind of emotions is right. I'm anxious and worried about all these camps for summer and wether they'll accept me or not; I'm really excited for the conference and weddings and just happenings; I'm tired from all these different events; I'm curious to see where this friendship with the handsome stranger of this weekend will go; I'm VERY scared as to how my grades will turn out; And overall I'm just happy and satisfied with life.
I hope all my friends enjoyed the pictures I got of my stranger on my phone. A little stalkerish? Yes. But worth it! Unless he just stops talking to me...that would be pretty crushing...until next weekend : ) Kidding. But seriously, summer brings so many different things with it! Just busy busy busy. And its getting a little out of control! Good thing I have the perfect person to hand it all over to, the One who always knows what He's doing and will always make it work out right.
Lastly, Smile :) People will wonder what you're up to.
And not because of the handsome stranger either.
Speaking of handsome strangers...oh my. I dont even know what to say. I should be used to this stranger business by now but for some reason I'm really excited over it. Maybe because I havent really reacted to any guy like this for a while. But seriously...he was something to react over. But we'll just give it a few weeks to a month and see whether I forget about him or not. And usually, I do. Either way...whatever happens, happens.
As for this weekend...oh my goodness. The teen conference starts on friday! I'm very very excited to see everyone from out of state and all the churches whom I never see. Expecially my Annichka! And the most awsome part of it is that I dont have to be part of the conference. Which is great cuz we're having a carwash for missions to Russia on saturday. Cant wait : ) And its gonna be interesting to watch the conference and the kids from a more distant perspective.
It was always pretty touching to see how strongly the kids react to the preachers but also sad to see how low some of them have slipped. I mean, by the age of 13, they've done more things than I have(in a bad sense). But all we can do is pray for them. I was watching an Amish documentary type thing today and some of the things they say about faith and heaven makes sense and sounds like something I believe, but then if you listen more closely...they also say things that either exclude inportant parts of Bible verses or they slightly tweak a Biblical concept to mean a slightly different thing. Thats very dangerous. When it sounds just about right, but yet there's something a little off. Well, im not in a really philosophical mood tonight..so we'll leave it alone.
Continuing on the topic of handsome strangers...where is that one beautiful person Jamie and Elizabeth noticed at lunch? Who is he? Where is he from? Did he just come here, or where has he been hiding all this time? Why does no one know who he is? Although he seems like he's a senior. And seems like he would play hockey/football/something of the sort. So he doesnt matter.Although it brings some fun into lunches.
These past few days have just been the best days of my life. Well, maybe not, but they've been absolutly GREAT! Probably because of the sunshine. And my creation of a profile at odnokassniki.ru. Yay for Russian facebook : ) its actually really interesting although it completly wipes away all potential of being a stalker.
So whirlwind of emotions is right. I'm anxious and worried about all these camps for summer and wether they'll accept me or not; I'm really excited for the conference and weddings and just happenings; I'm tired from all these different events; I'm curious to see where this friendship with the handsome stranger of this weekend will go; I'm VERY scared as to how my grades will turn out; And overall I'm just happy and satisfied with life.
I hope all my friends enjoyed the pictures I got of my stranger on my phone. A little stalkerish? Yes. But worth it! Unless he just stops talking to me...that would be pretty crushing...until next weekend : ) Kidding. But seriously, summer brings so many different things with it! Just busy busy busy. And its getting a little out of control! Good thing I have the perfect person to hand it all over to, the One who always knows what He's doing and will always make it work out right.
Lastly, Smile :) People will wonder what you're up to.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
The Anticipation is Building Up!
So today we decorated the zal for the peir after the wedding(the hall for the banquet after the wedding)! And I must say that the banquet is my favorite part! I'm just really excited because so many new things will be going on and so many new people. It'll be nice to just hang out with my old people too though because everyone's been soo busy lately.
Lizachka's wedding color is a really pretty salad green: like this color, kinda. I really like it, but not a great color on me. Looks amazing on her because she has green eyes : ) I just really love her and he's a great guy as well! Two REALLY big families are gonna come togather for the wedding. Not even kidding, decorating today was like a family reunion. People I hadn't seen FOREVER came! And tomorrow will be even better!
I am absolutly in love with my dress! I have the best dad in the world for buying it for me! I'm really worried about the length of it(or the lack of length) but hopefully its all gonna turn out great! Also have to get up about 2 hours earlier tomorrow to do my hair! AHHH! But I actually absolutly love all this craziness and busyness(is that a word?).
I'm also really excited for Tvorcheski Vecher at Youth meeting after the wedding! I really hope I can make it! Wonder what our group has planned out? I had to miss Small Group Bible Study( haha we should call it S.G.B.S.) because Dennis and Vera were at our house! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE them! One of the awsomest cousins ever, and not even because they live in Cali. They're just so amazing. And they're from Uncle Jozef's side of the family so they're the closest out off all the cousins.
Just really happy and excited but also a little nervous because its such a big deal. Man I can just imagine how poor Liza feels!! Also really hope our play goes well! I dont really know my words well enough to improvise so I'm gonna have to study that tonight! And I'm not even thinking about the fact that I have a Chem test and a speech due on monday! AHHH. Well, its all in God's hands, it'll all be great!
I guess I can say I'm in a sort of happiness high right now. Just so much and it all just keeps coming and coming! Its a little scary but you know what, it'll all be ok! i hope : )
And conference next weekend...daang. But at least I can see all my out of state buddies then! Just so much going on really. This early summer/late spring time is just so crazy. Although really, thats how summer is. Mann cant wait! Really hope the weather is warmer tomorrow though! And my memory card doesnt work on the desktop anymore. GRR. But its all good : )
Lizachka's wedding color is a really pretty salad green: like this color, kinda. I really like it, but not a great color on me. Looks amazing on her because she has green eyes : ) I just really love her and he's a great guy as well! Two REALLY big families are gonna come togather for the wedding. Not even kidding, decorating today was like a family reunion. People I hadn't seen FOREVER came! And tomorrow will be even better!
I am absolutly in love with my dress! I have the best dad in the world for buying it for me! I'm really worried about the length of it(or the lack of length) but hopefully its all gonna turn out great! Also have to get up about 2 hours earlier tomorrow to do my hair! AHHH! But I actually absolutly love all this craziness and busyness(is that a word?).
I'm also really excited for Tvorcheski Vecher at Youth meeting after the wedding! I really hope I can make it! Wonder what our group has planned out? I had to miss Small Group Bible Study( haha we should call it S.G.B.S.) because Dennis and Vera were at our house! LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE them! One of the awsomest cousins ever, and not even because they live in Cali. They're just so amazing. And they're from Uncle Jozef's side of the family so they're the closest out off all the cousins.
Just really happy and excited but also a little nervous because its such a big deal. Man I can just imagine how poor Liza feels!! Also really hope our play goes well! I dont really know my words well enough to improvise so I'm gonna have to study that tonight! And I'm not even thinking about the fact that I have a Chem test and a speech due on monday! AHHH. Well, its all in God's hands, it'll all be great!
I guess I can say I'm in a sort of happiness high right now. Just so much and it all just keeps coming and coming! Its a little scary but you know what, it'll all be ok! i hope : )
And conference next weekend...daang. But at least I can see all my out of state buddies then! Just so much going on really. This early summer/late spring time is just so crazy. Although really, thats how summer is. Mann cant wait! Really hope the weather is warmer tomorrow though! And my memory card doesnt work on the desktop anymore. GRR. But its all good : )
Thursday, May 14, 2009
BUSY BUSY BUSY!
What a crazy time of the year it is! Today I come to school expecting a nice, laid-back day with half the kids gone for AP World test...and BAM....I have a Spanish test and a AP Euro test. None of which I had even vaguely studied for. I dont know what I got on the Spanish test, but I got a 21 on AP Euro which is an 81ish. Which is wonderful! Tomorrow I have the practise test due for Chemistry, and the semester final in Ap Euro. It really seems like today should be Friday! Sure feels like it! So busy today! So right now, I'm off to Sam's Club to get some pictures printed. Then I have to pick up Stevie from his track meet. After that I need to go to the store and buy either some gell pens or some kind of colored pens. Then come home and finish the scrapbook. Then drop off Daniel at the gym and go shopping for a dress. But I cant buy the dress cuz my dad didnt give me any money, saying we'll buy it tomorrow. Obviously not going to Bible Study tonight!
I did get some new sharpies today :) I LOVE sharpies! Dad thought they were pretty for scrapbooking. Ohh, he's so cute! So basically this day has been pretty decent. I've been sorta quite. Really worried about the wedding on Sunday. I want everything to go perfect. Find the perfect dress, have the perfect tan shade of skin, do the perfect hair and be in the perfect mood! Oh yeah, perfect shoes as well although I might just use my white pointy ones that I love so much! Just really hoping everything goes good! Hoping Misha and his family have a safe trip here so I can finally meet him. And his family, although I dont know them at all. And just really excited for everything!
So this weekend is the wedding, Tvorcheski Vecher in Youth meeting, Decorations for the wedding, and lots of studying. Next weekend is the Teen conference for which we've waited for soo long! I dont think anyone will stay at our house because my house is too tiny. Maybe Nakwon will! Or some of my bro's friends. Anya from TN is coming! Cant wait! She didnt go to our november conference, and she wasnt there at the Goshen conference and we never visit Tennesee, so I havent seen her for a YEAR! Oh my! And of course, our lovely buddies from Goshen are coming as well as everyone we've met. I wonder if the older youth is coming or if its just the little teens. Aww its gonna be my first year that I'm not a legit part of the conference : ( Yay for moving on to Youth! Just So excited!
Filled out some job applications yesterday, hoping that all goes well! Just really excited for everything thats coming up, although I shouldnt be! Because if I think that its really not a big deal and its gonna be ok, not that great...then when it all happens and its amazing, its extra amazing for me cuz i was expecting it to be much worse! So we'll see :)
I did get some new sharpies today :) I LOVE sharpies! Dad thought they were pretty for scrapbooking. Ohh, he's so cute! So basically this day has been pretty decent. I've been sorta quite. Really worried about the wedding on Sunday. I want everything to go perfect. Find the perfect dress, have the perfect tan shade of skin, do the perfect hair and be in the perfect mood! Oh yeah, perfect shoes as well although I might just use my white pointy ones that I love so much! Just really hoping everything goes good! Hoping Misha and his family have a safe trip here so I can finally meet him. And his family, although I dont know them at all. And just really excited for everything!
So this weekend is the wedding, Tvorcheski Vecher in Youth meeting, Decorations for the wedding, and lots of studying. Next weekend is the Teen conference for which we've waited for soo long! I dont think anyone will stay at our house because my house is too tiny. Maybe Nakwon will! Or some of my bro's friends. Anya from TN is coming! Cant wait! She didnt go to our november conference, and she wasnt there at the Goshen conference and we never visit Tennesee, so I havent seen her for a YEAR! Oh my! And of course, our lovely buddies from Goshen are coming as well as everyone we've met. I wonder if the older youth is coming or if its just the little teens. Aww its gonna be my first year that I'm not a legit part of the conference : ( Yay for moving on to Youth! Just So excited!
Filled out some job applications yesterday, hoping that all goes well! Just really excited for everything thats coming up, although I shouldnt be! Because if I think that its really not a big deal and its gonna be ok, not that great...then when it all happens and its amazing, its extra amazing for me cuz i was expecting it to be much worse! So we'll see :)
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
It Only Takes a Spark...
It only takes a spark to get a fire going...Its a good song. I only recently learned it in English but we've been singing it in youth for a while Very pretty song!
And speaking of songs...choir practice tonight : ) Cant wait! I actually cant! Need to talk to Ellie and make her come to volleyball tomorrow. But I still havent even convinced dad to let me go. And I'm running low on gas, and I have many many things to do...but volleyball still sounds great! And it'll give me a chance to bond with people I usually dont! Get to pick up Natka :) I'm really excited cuz she and Palgis have given me home so many times and from so many places and now its time for me to drive her. Yay : )
Today was a great day really. It was really sleepy and crabby at first, but then little things kept happening that were just like awww. I'm kinda scared though. Everything is going so absolutly perfect. It cant last and I really dont want something bad to happen, even though I know it will! But what can we do! You know when someone does a little thing for you, and it really just makes your day...and then those little things add up...and your day gets amazing? Yeah, thats how today happened.
Stevie is SO tan, I'm extremly jealous! Dumb little track runner! Me and Kayla had to wait for like 15 minutes until he finally appeared! And then stuck in 40 min traffic cuz a traffic light blew out right by our house. So finally got home at 5. And have to leave at 6ish to go pick up Nata and head out to Shakopee for chior practise! And then all of us cool people stay after and practise for Liza's wedding! Cant wait : ) Although I'm a little nervous.
School was pretty decent today. Well it was great but academically it was decent. Loved mine and Justin's "debate"! I was suprised to see the number of people who supported me! Kudos to Charlie for actually saying stuff. Kevin had an interesting aspect. Didnt believe in anything. But at least he was cool-headed about it. Unlike Justin. But its ok, we still love Justin! For the record, not Justin Carpenter. Just saying :) I love aruging about things...and this was a great way to let it out. Even though I dont think I made much sense at times but well at least we now know that everyone knows about Jesus dying on the cross to save us from our sins! That was suprising, the number of people that supported it! I'm sure the sub had fun listening!
Time to get dressed for church and head on out. Dad isnt even home from Dan's appointment and I need money for gas! I have one more 20$ left and then im broke! Time to visit Grandma again! I love my grandma though, she's so fraile and adorable! Wish it wasnt so windy! Hmm, maybe it'll rain. That would be great!
Monday, May 11, 2009
The Very First One.
I've started so many diaries and never finished any of them. Although I am coming close to finishing one, just a few pages left! I always though it would be interesting to have a blog. Just for fun. And so far, it is fun. An online diary of sorts, I suppose. Maybe not really. But we'll see.
Thats how everything ends up. "We'll see". As if we have no control over it. These last couple of weeks especially have taught me so many lessons. After speaking up and telling about my blessings during youth meeting, I was interested in the change of attitude toward me. Maybe now people will really begin to realize that I'm not the same person I was even a year ago. Jesus is changing me.
Which is why it makes me so sad to hear and see the way people act. Comparing it to the way my cousins and just our group from the youth acts...its easy to see the difference. Which makes me wonder, they're all the same age. Whats so different about us? And then I remember. Its not a religion, its a relationship. And that makes all the difference.
How amazing it is! I really wish I could just somehow have everyone feel the happiness that only Jesus can give. You can't describe it, but it overwhelms any feeling you've felt before. I can't always feel the special happiness after all, we're still human. But even in those cases, you never ever feel alone. People don't understand why we "get into it" so much, but its only because they dont know.
As great as this is though, it can oh so easily lead to pride. I joke about it and Paul and Igor jokingly showed the verses about pride, but seriously, its important. Sometimes I dont even realize it, but I keep catching my thoughts on "oh yeah, im definatly better than her" in this or this. I hate that so much! Just because Jesus washed our mistakes away with His blood doesnt mean that it makes me somehow better. If anything it should make me worse, because I see the magnitude of everything. Guess I'll just keep working on it.
And school. Oh school. I wish so much that there would be more Russians, Ukrainians there. I love my buddies so much but its so hard to make them understand. School is this temporary little thing which has very little to do with my real life. Its not that Slavic people are so much different, not at all, although there's some differences. Its that youth and church becomes the center of my life. And all the youth's lives as well. And they just dont understand that! I wish I could go to college like the rest of my friends and just leave this all behind but nope. Maybe God put me here for a special reason. I bet I still have so much to learn, not even academically. More of socially and spiritually. But ahh its so much harder. And my lazy spirit is having to work harder to live my life pure and serve God through everything.
I worry sometimes. If maybe I'm not a great example. I know from my own experience that people watch you. They remember everything. And its so scary to think maybe I'm a bad representation of a Christian sometimes. I really dont like that word at all, Christian. Its so general (and has a bad rep.) I'd say I'm more of a Christ follower. And last week Justin said something during AP Euro which made me wonder. He said something like "What so different about Baptists than Presbyterians, Lutherans, etc?" And you know what...he's right! Who cares whether earrings are bad or not? Or whether the Lord's Supper should be given once a month or every week. What matters is praying the prayer, asking God to forgive you and acknowleding that Jesus died for you. Thats a powerful thing. After watching " Passion of the Christ" and getting some idea of what Jesus went through, I remember that during that whole time of intense suffering and pain, He was thinking of me. And of everytime I would lie, sneak out, cheat, anger, get prideful, hate, drink, evny someone. And every mistake I'd ever make would hurt Him more and more.
There's still some complicated stuff I dont get about that but it doesnt even matter!
These are gonna be looong blog posts. Me and my love of talking and talking and talking and talking! But its true. And its gotten to the point that seriously, every conversation I have brings my thoughts back to God. Of course I cant really say it all the time but seriously, everything goes back to Him. And thats been proven over and over and over in my life! How amazing! But the more I try to live for Jesus, and live pure and not get angry, or jealous, or prideful...the more temptations I have! The more I want to not do something, the easier it seems to come to me! But one thing I've noticed, praying for someone always always helps. Just randomly. And it'll work. Amazing.
Homework...should probably get started on that. Or cleaning. Or be anywhere but on the computer. But its so nice to finally have somewhere where I can just say what I feel. Haha what if I always said what I was feeling? Dang, life would not be very fun for people around me. Although I must admit, its easier to be happy now that school is ending : ) So many plans for summer. Im SO SO SO SO SO nervous I wont get accepted in LWBC. I dont know what I'll do then. Ah well its all in God's hands. Dad went fishing without me : / We need to get a frisbee! Oh boy, here come random thoughts. Although they really are structured..just in my way! I miss my laptop. Its so cold in the basement on the desktop! GRR. Oh well.
I have a feeling I'm going to write here often. Its a good place to let everything out. Although bad moods I'll try to keep to myself! What a great day its been! A little tiring. I need to get more active! Hopefully I can go to volleyball on wednesday night. Gotta talk to dad about it. And now off to continue with life...
Thats how everything ends up. "We'll see". As if we have no control over it. These last couple of weeks especially have taught me so many lessons. After speaking up and telling about my blessings during youth meeting, I was interested in the change of attitude toward me. Maybe now people will really begin to realize that I'm not the same person I was even a year ago. Jesus is changing me.
Which is why it makes me so sad to hear and see the way people act. Comparing it to the way my cousins and just our group from the youth acts...its easy to see the difference. Which makes me wonder, they're all the same age. Whats so different about us? And then I remember. Its not a religion, its a relationship. And that makes all the difference.
How amazing it is! I really wish I could just somehow have everyone feel the happiness that only Jesus can give. You can't describe it, but it overwhelms any feeling you've felt before. I can't always feel the special happiness after all, we're still human. But even in those cases, you never ever feel alone. People don't understand why we "get into it" so much, but its only because they dont know.
As great as this is though, it can oh so easily lead to pride. I joke about it and Paul and Igor jokingly showed the verses about pride, but seriously, its important. Sometimes I dont even realize it, but I keep catching my thoughts on "oh yeah, im definatly better than her" in this or this. I hate that so much! Just because Jesus washed our mistakes away with His blood doesnt mean that it makes me somehow better. If anything it should make me worse, because I see the magnitude of everything. Guess I'll just keep working on it.
And school. Oh school. I wish so much that there would be more Russians, Ukrainians there. I love my buddies so much but its so hard to make them understand. School is this temporary little thing which has very little to do with my real life. Its not that Slavic people are so much different, not at all, although there's some differences. Its that youth and church becomes the center of my life. And all the youth's lives as well. And they just dont understand that! I wish I could go to college like the rest of my friends and just leave this all behind but nope. Maybe God put me here for a special reason. I bet I still have so much to learn, not even academically. More of socially and spiritually. But ahh its so much harder. And my lazy spirit is having to work harder to live my life pure and serve God through everything.
I worry sometimes. If maybe I'm not a great example. I know from my own experience that people watch you. They remember everything. And its so scary to think maybe I'm a bad representation of a Christian sometimes. I really dont like that word at all, Christian. Its so general (and has a bad rep.) I'd say I'm more of a Christ follower. And last week Justin said something during AP Euro which made me wonder. He said something like "What so different about Baptists than Presbyterians, Lutherans, etc?" And you know what...he's right! Who cares whether earrings are bad or not? Or whether the Lord's Supper should be given once a month or every week. What matters is praying the prayer, asking God to forgive you and acknowleding that Jesus died for you. Thats a powerful thing. After watching " Passion of the Christ" and getting some idea of what Jesus went through, I remember that during that whole time of intense suffering and pain, He was thinking of me. And of everytime I would lie, sneak out, cheat, anger, get prideful, hate, drink, evny someone. And every mistake I'd ever make would hurt Him more and more.
There's still some complicated stuff I dont get about that but it doesnt even matter!
These are gonna be looong blog posts. Me and my love of talking and talking and talking and talking! But its true. And its gotten to the point that seriously, every conversation I have brings my thoughts back to God. Of course I cant really say it all the time but seriously, everything goes back to Him. And thats been proven over and over and over in my life! How amazing! But the more I try to live for Jesus, and live pure and not get angry, or jealous, or prideful...the more temptations I have! The more I want to not do something, the easier it seems to come to me! But one thing I've noticed, praying for someone always always helps. Just randomly. And it'll work. Amazing.
Homework...should probably get started on that. Or cleaning. Or be anywhere but on the computer. But its so nice to finally have somewhere where I can just say what I feel. Haha what if I always said what I was feeling? Dang, life would not be very fun for people around me. Although I must admit, its easier to be happy now that school is ending : ) So many plans for summer. Im SO SO SO SO SO nervous I wont get accepted in LWBC. I dont know what I'll do then. Ah well its all in God's hands. Dad went fishing without me : / We need to get a frisbee! Oh boy, here come random thoughts. Although they really are structured..just in my way! I miss my laptop. Its so cold in the basement on the desktop! GRR. Oh well.
I have a feeling I'm going to write here often. Its a good place to let everything out. Although bad moods I'll try to keep to myself! What a great day its been! A little tiring. I need to get more active! Hopefully I can go to volleyball on wednesday night. Gotta talk to dad about it. And now off to continue with life...
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