A brand new year with brand new goals, possibilities, chances, and memories. You can start all over again! You can start where you left off! Main point is, you can restart! This year has flown by faster than the speed of light! I can just imagine how fast this upcoming year will go by. And I'm so thankful for each and every day! It would take forever to recap all that went on this year because there were so many memories.
Looking back at who I was at this time last year, I have to admit that I was a disappointing Christian. One how knows the rules, talks about them, but really doesn't care or believe in them. Hypocritical in a sense. Today, I still have my "say-one-thing-but-do-another" moments, but the main difference is the fact that I truly believe what I say. My God has become actually real to me as never before. I still have those moments where I begin to miss those good old days. Days where you would live only to be happy for yourself. You lived for your pleasure. And it was pleasurable. It was fun! But then those empty moments would come, and you would see that something is missing. You can't say what but there is a deep longing of some sort. A longing for something that you don't think even exists. So you ignore it and fill you life and heart with the plans and enjoyment for today, refusing to consider the consequences or even think about tomorrow.
And one time, I did. I thought about what was really happening. I was happy! I was lively and living a great life, people loved me, I loved them. What else did I need? I really couldn't say. Growing up in a Christian family, of course God and all that was part of my life. I went to church, only to see my friends and dress up. The sermons were boring, the people were boring, and I couldn't wait until it was all over. As long I went to church, occasionally skimmed over some verses in my Bible, and was basically good, I was fine. I considered myself to be a Christian and loving God and everything was great. Until that day that I decided to stop and think.
Nothing much happened that day except I just got sick of life. Boyfriends, parties, drinking, sneaking out, it was all so much fun and the greatest adrenaline rush. It was good to feel dangerous and crazy, but when it was gone, it was gone. There was nothing to feel until the next time. I really can't even figure out how it all happened but very slowly, day by day, Someone was touching my heart. There came a point in the summer where I almost ran away from home. It was probably one of the lowest points of my life and I was ready to quit all this Christian stuff, and just live how I wanted too. None of it felt real, just oppressing and unfair. I started praying what I decided would be my last prayer to the God I really doubted existed anymore. Hours later, tears would not stop pouring out of my eyes. It felt like literally Someone was holding me. I couldn't move because of all the emotion. And since then, my life was rededicated to the One I love most.
I feel like everyone has these amazing life stories. Their deepest emotions and beliefs. Even if I don't agree with them, I still find it fascinating. I'd love to write a book one day. About everyone. Have everyone I know tell me their story and I could write it. Sounds amazing actually. Everyone's story needs to be heard. If they're a believer, the story of how Christ led them to Him needs to be told. If they're not a believer, I still want to know how their life is and then see where their life goes. Words are such a powerful tool, languages are such a powerful tool and God gave me a passion for both. Missionary service sounds amazing not only because I can spread the story of true Love, but also because I get to come into contact with all those people whom I don't know. All the people who Jesus loves. He created every single one with a specific story and each one is so unique.
This brand new year I have a new mission: to record those stories. God has something extra special in store for me and all my friends and people I know. I really believe that this will be the year of a lifetime. We're all going to do great things. Every single person. Greatness depends on your perspective of it, and every single human being to ever inhabit this earth was created for something great. They chose to throw it away, use it for evil, but everyone is and was amazing. Created in the image of God! Crazy thought right there. My story is being written by God and documented by me so I can share it. God is writing billions of stories and I want to document each one and share it. A friend jokingly said one day, "You always have a story for everything." And thats because there IS a story for everything.
There's a burning passion in my heart and it grows every single day. A passion for people. Jesus loved people. I still have so so much to improve, so far to go to be even vaguely like Him, but I will try. Nursing is my hopeful career. Imagine all the people I can meet through that. God made something extra-ordinary in every single person, and I want to make it my mission to find out what that thing is. He loves every single person and I want to know why! Well, I know why...because He is love. But I want to know their stories. I really care about their lives. Easy to say but so hard to do. Its easy to do that about people you will meet only once, but oh so hard to do it with the people you come into contact every day. I have those angry moments, my lack of patience often shows through, but one thing I do have that is overpowering all of that: a real, passionate love for the creation of my Savior. Nature takes my breath away, but people do too.
It won't be easy, I know. Some people make you wonder if anyone loves them, not even talking about finding something beautiful in them. But there is. I need to overcome my bias and truly love everyone. I can't accept everyone but I can love. And thats what I want to have: crystal clear love. Love so pure that it overcomes all boundries, overcomes all the things that try to stop it and cover it with grime. Love that shines like the One who is love itself.
I've noticed, the more I love, the happier I become. Its a win-win situation. He loved me when I least wanted or deserved it and thats the point. Not to love those who are easy to love, but to love those whom you don't want to. Everyone is worth loving because everyone has a special story that only God Himself created. When I open my heart to love the unlovable, God will open up their life story for me and through that, powerful things can be done. Just watch! My main goal for 2010: to love others unconditionally and completely. Just the way that my Jesus loves me.
