While I'm Waiting.

There's a song by John Waller, I think, its called While I'm Waiting. The lyrics are basically describing my life at this time. "I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You, Lord, I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You, Lord, Though it is painful, But patiently, I will wait. I will move ahead bold and confident, taking every step in obedience, While I'm waiting, I will serve You while I'm waiting..."

If you could sum up my life in a few sentences (which is realistically impossible), those lyrics would be it. Another year has passed. And you know what, God gave me what I asked Him for. I asked Him for a burning passion towards people. People I don't know or care about. And He gave it to me. I found my mission. People. Especially kids. I love working with kids because they seem so close to little angels. So innocent, and yet you learn so much from them.

This entire summer, fall, and now winter, God has been slowly working in me. He's been slowly, patiently, removing all the hardness in my heart. He's getting rid of my need for controlling everything. He is making me so dependent on Him, and honestly, its making my life better. I always, always messed things up. Jesus never, ever messes anything up. This is tested and proven countless times in my life. But in order to make me more purer, more peaceful in Him, there were some storms I had to pass through.

This year, God gave me not only a burning passion to the people of this world, but also, to one person in particular. This burning love is very different from the other one. I never asked for this love, I sure didn't want it right now. And yet, because of His endless mercy and grace, guess what happened? God took my hard heart, my stubborn character, and he broke it. The girl who was always one step ahead of love, always far enough not to get hurt, always far away enough not to care to much, finally stepped into real love. Not infatuation, but real pure love. From the start I'm gonna say that it has been an extraordinary amount of work, but when its from God, its unbelievable.

When I met him, almost 2 years ago, I had just decided for myself that I will focus on God alone. No love, no dating, nothing of that sort. And about half a year after that decision, God made our paths cross. I won't tell my love story yet because its not finished yet. But once it is, I'll let the whole world know :)

About the waiting part...I'll say it straight out. This guy is the one and only guy in this entire world of 6 billion people that I would say yes to and marry him. And that fact has made such an impact on my life. I need to finish my nursing, but I can't because I think God told him some other plans. Mostly, my life is at a bit of a standstill because I'm not sure exactly what God wants me to do. If something ;) doesn't happen soon, then I will be applying for the nursing and then I'll be able to plan ahead again. But for now, I'm waiting.

I'm waiting for my love's decision. I'm waiting for God's answer. I'm waiting and waiting and waiting. For a girl who has a big lack in patience, this has been the ultimate lesson. I have no control over what is happening, so all I can do is wait! But wait (haha), there is something I can do! I can serve Him while I'm waiting! And once I heard that lyric, it just pierced through my heart and I know my answer.

Once I heard that lyric, "While I'm waiting, I will serve You while I'm waiting", I knew that was God's way of giving me a hug. He was letting me know that He can hear me. He knew my tears of uncertainty, He heard my quiet, lost prayers, and He knows exactly what He's going to give me. And I know whatever it is, it will be worth the waiting. And now, every time I get frustrated and cry out to God, "Where are you, why is nothing happening in my life, are You even listening?" I remember that song...

So I'm not sure how my life is going to be next month, I'm not sure what is going to happen. But its ok. Because I'm waiting on God. And He has something planned. And while I wait, I'm gonna pour my heart into people and serve and love and be sweet and gentle and reflect the majesty of my Savior and one day...He will reward my patience. One day, I'll see that all this waiting, it was totally worth it. And that day, I'm going to praise Him and be oveflowing with happiness because I waited and God gave.

Love is amazing but uncertain. Work is uncertain. College is uncertain. Friends are uncertain. But guess what isn't uncertain. God. He always hear me. He always sees me. He knows the cries of my heart. He knows what I feel when I can't even describe it. He sees my waiting. And will show me what I was waiting for. And because of my patience, it will be better than anything I had ever expected. Because my God is good!

I'm waiting. I'm waiting on You, Lord. And I am peaceful, I'm waiting on You, Lord. Though it's not easy, But faithfully, I will wait.

Reconnection

It has been so so long! How I miss writing!
I'm in the process of making a Christmas/birthday present and I needed old posts from my blog to make it happen. I was reading some of the old, old posts, over a year old. Wow, just how amazing God is and how amazing he makes things work out!

That handsome stranger that I had written about in May of 2009 is now the love of my life and very soon, hopefully going to be my future husband. Wow, how life works out! Its so beautiful! Speaking of life though, just when you think it can't get any busier....it does! Even now, just a quick post and I'm off to do errands, choir practice, play practice, and study for my human biology final tomorrow! And its already 6pm! Goodness!

I think I shall reconnect with my blog and start writing once again! This was nice :)