Wilting Flower

I have to say that I actually do feel like a wilting flower. I have so much energy at times, but overall, I'm just thoroughly exhausted. I need to reboot. Also, my headaches are starting to really worry me. I never used to have headaches, but now, its an almost daily thing. Occasional dizziness follows them. I'm too scared to go to the doctor because either its something really bad, or nothing at all. Maybe these headaches are with the coming of this new year and all these responsibilities and worries and I just really need a break.

School was extra tough this week. And combined with the weather, joblessness, moneylessness, and just being sick, no good results. To add on top of it all, the little brothers are turning into full blown teenagers with the arguements and everything. Having passed all that myself, I can stop them from doing some things and going to some places, but they don't understand. Its very frustrating. But you know what, I'll be ok. God has been doing some amazing things in my life lately. Like answering prayers. I have countless, recent stories of how God has been working in my life.

This month of September just flew by. Now its October already and my weekends are completely booked until November. Crazy right? I'm excited though! So much ahead. Probably the most amazing thing for me to realize lately is the fact that I understand my dad!! Even when he is yelling or lecturing me or just being parently annoying, I understand why! Its just a really weird thing but its helping me be a better daughter. I still have much to improve on, but what I've realized is that while he isn't perfect, he sure is smart! I actually wonder why I've never realized this before but my dad is so right! I know he's human, still makes mistakes, but wow, he's a smart guy. I guess life does teach you lessons.

I've also realized that most of our disageements were my fault and he was right in them after all. He is constantly lecturing about my lack of cleaning, and you know what, he is right! I need to do a much better job! Its hard to agree and calmly accept what he's saying sometimes, because my fiery nature is so similar to his and always wants to counter-argue what he's saying. And that is not good. But with God's grace and strength, I can learn.

Parents are actually the foundation for the rest of our lives. They are so important. And before any permanent lasting change can be made in our lives, the first should be good friendship with parents. And people, treasure your family. I can't even begin to describe the importance of that. I only hope God will teach me to be wise with my family. They are actually so so important.

Maybe this is why I'm so drained of energy. Big realizations like this! Times are so hard right now, but it will get better. The flower will bloom again :) I know it! But meanwhile, I need to step up and start learning how to live responsibly. Tomorrow is cooking and cleaning day with Bible study in the evening. Sounds absolutely perfect. Funny thing though: even half a year ago, I would have never ever written this. I never liked these things, cooking cleaning. My dad was too strict and my family too much of a burden. But as time as gone by, 6 months seems like a short time, but seriously, so much has changed. For the better too. I want to be a blessing in my family, and with my friends. In order to do that, I need to try. Favorite quote for today: God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. How true. If you have the desire, a real burning desire, God will give the the opportunities to do it, always. God has given me the opportunity to practice being a real friend, christian, future wife, and just loving God more: my family. My family is where real spiritual growth and change begins. I hope I can do it!

(side note: funny how I started talking about myself and problems, then ended up talking what I need to do to change)