Tears.

Its times like these when we need a Savior. We need Him always but especially, when nothing else is left. I don't understand what is going on. I don't understand why. I don't understand the failures and disappointments that keep happening at times when we're at our lowest. I wish I understood. I really do wish I could just say, it'll all be better in the end. But I can't because it might not be better in the end. We try so hard to love our God and please others, live with a sincere passion and defined purity, yet these things keep happening and we don't understand. I do want to ask why, but I have no right. Who am I, a worthless little human, to demand an answer from the Creator of everything, the mighty Savior? And yet, I do! I ask why life is so unfair? Why does everything I do come right back and laugh at me? Why does luck seem to hate me? And most of all, why do You seem so far away sometimes?

I know the answer though. I can hear it in the silence of my own anger and frustration. He whispers quietly through my thoughts, through the rustling of the leaves, through the whistling of the wind. "Its to make you more loving, pure, and gentle". I asked for it myself. I asked God to make me more like Him, to help me love others more, to look on the inside not outside, to reflect all of God's love in my every breath and He will always give what I ask for.

Living in our padded, comfortable world of school, work, friends, family, we forget that there is a world out there. There are people who fight to live another day. People who dream about real food. People who are in need of His love. God needs to shake us up, remind us of how selfish we've become. "Not to us, but to Your name be the glory" What happened to that mind set? How easy it is to become occupied with the chain of tragedy that has been overshadowing our lives (I speak for myself anyways). We become so accustomed to all the privileges we get that actually get angry at God when He stirs us a little. Its so much easier to question God than to accept the fact that we need to change.

He ruined my trip plans, He sent me the wrong friends, He doesn't know how low my money is. How wrong that is. Why don't I instead ask why he sent my such amazing, spiritual supporters, such a sweet guy, such a house, and car and a million other things. Right now, life is at an all time low for me. It seems as if any good thing that comes into my possession is quickly taken away, my hopes brutally crushed again and again. And out of nowhere, God sends a little letter, a little text, an encouraging picture, or email and reminds me that He's still there. He knows, He sees, and He's saying just hold on a little longer, I promise you can make it through this. Right now, I feel like my reasons to smile, to even get up in the morning are dwindling by the minute, and yet, I know that tomorrow can be better. Being betrayed, being so deeply disappointed, being so scared about things you wish you could control: it all means nothing when I remember that this is all for a reason. Someday I'll see this is why I was feeling so abandoned, so low. I asked God to make me more like Him and He is just answering my prayer. He's giving me new chances every day to become less like my old self, and more like the perfect image of my amazing God. quote: If God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it. In order to have a real relationship with anyone, trust is essential. Well God, I'm gonna close my eyes and follow you because right now I'm in the darkness and You're the one with the light.