Someday.

Its funny to look back and read over past blog posts. Its fun to do that with memories in life. When you look back at the path you've already walked on, things are so much clearer. Looking back on my anxious anticipation before the Oklahoma trip, I laugh a little to myself. I fully understand my feelings but now that its all happened, its a little funny to think about. The trip itself was a huge blessing. I absolutely love all the people with who I was with. I know they aren't perfect, but wow, they love each other so much. It was just so cozy to have about 20 people in the house, kids watching Russian tv and coloring, the men in the sauna, the women making the tea, and then us coming home from a fun filled day :) Everyone goes to relax, and the cycle repeats itself with us. Me and my love make tea while the guys sit at the table and chat. Then we all sit and just enjoy each other's company.

I have to admit I'm sure I loved it there so much because he was always there. And his family is absolutely amazing. Not just because of him, but quite a bit. He actually does seem to make my dreams come true. Maybe he is the prince who I've been waiting for, maybe he's not, but I can say that we've both grown in our love for God. He's not perfect, neither am I but there's something that binds us so closely together: our complete love and devotion to our Creator. I'm sure we would have had plenty of happy times together if we weren't believers, but knowing Jesus as our Savior makes everything so much more meaningful. I believe that right now, we're in the center of His will. My one desire is to keep God first, and when I do that, everything else will fall into place.

I'm coming to realize that life isn't really that great. There's so much horribleness in the world. People have no meaning in their lives. And when they think they do, its a shallow meaning which doesnt last. It makes me wonder how much love and patience our God has! He's a jealous God, because He deserves it. He wants to be our everything because He's the only one who can be our everything successfully. People make their families their priority, their jobs, happiness, whatever, and it never ever ever ends well. I guess its hard to realize but the carefree days of our lives are over. Responsibility covers everything. We will have to answer for every single dumb, evil, mean thing we did, do, and will do.

God isn't just the happy, loving, forgiving God. He will hold you accountable for every single rule that you've every broken. For every single time you lied, you'll have to pay with you life. Personally, I would need about a million lives to cover all my lies, and thats only lying. What about everything else that I do? Thats the side the so many "Christians" ignore. The fair side of God. He is everything, loving, merciful, kind but He's also fair, strict, demanding God. He likes order and structure. You will answer for everything you did.

I can just imagine myself on judgment day, when God starts reading off every single thing I've ever done, thought about, everything. There'll be the proud moments, when I did a good thing, but how many more bad things have I done! It'll be such shame, I can't even imagine. And yet, there's One who will be able to stand between me and the anger of God. On judgment day, when God will be reading off every thought of mine, and his anger will be building and building. He'll be as a judge ready to sentence a repulsive criminal to death, and the Jesus will step in, and God's eyes will immediately change into love. Love for his pure, innocent Son. And Jesus will hold me tightly and say, "All that you did before...its all gone. I erased it with my own blood and agony." and I'll become perfect, pure and spotless. It'll be as if I've never lied, never hated, never lusted, never angered, never swore, never anything. That will be one amazing day.

After I consider that, what is this life right now? Yeah, maybe its a little tough, maybe I'm worried, maybe I'm exhausted. But just a little bit left. The signs of the final days of mankind before the Rapture are everywhere. Both frightening and exciting. Frightening because it could be in a second, it could be tomorrow during 3rd hour, a week from now, 5 years from now, but it'll come. Exciting because after that I'll never worry again. I'll never be tired or sick, I'll never be cold. I'll see my grandma and grandpa's, I'll see mom, I'll see my friends, I can finally meet all the Biblical people whom I've read about. And at that moment, I'll know that every time I took a chance and shared my faith with someone, everytime I told someone about God's love for them, everytime they laughed at me, everytime they called me innocent, or stupid, it'll be worth it. I'm so excited to see everyone. All who accepted Jesus's sacrifice of death on the cross. Man, I can't wait.

Meanwhile, I'm gonna try to take as many people as I can. Its hard though. I hate being rejected. But I need the remember that the power isn't in the messenger, its in the message. My job is to tell people, God will do the rest. He does so much for me already, I know I can trust Him some more. I'm so excited to see how He will work in the future. What will be different, what will be the same. I know that whatever happens, it'll be beautiful. My story will be completely different than anyone elses. It'll have God's fingerprints all over it. It'll have mine, maybe it'll have his. All I know is that right now, I know I'm doing what God wants in the love situation. My main goal, is to have Him glorified. If I just keep focusing on that, He'll give me the love I've always wanted and never expected. Pretty great, right?