Year of a Lifetime

I have to say that I feel like this will be the year of a lifetime. I really don't know why I feel that way, but I do. Something about each day is so special, so unforgettable. Already this year I have come to realize many, many things. My tastes and preferences are changing. My view on the world is changing. Everything is changing. Its a little unnerving but at the same time exciting. Its as if I've been walking on a little path(I prefer to think of a path through a forest or meadow) and as I'm walking I realize that I'm walking through a thick fog which enables me to only see a few inches in front of my feet. Suddenly I stop. At that very moment I feel as if I'm standing on the edge of a precipice. Maybe it isnt a precipice, maybe its a river, maybe its some animal but its something that will change the course of my path. It will tell me exactly in which direction I will continue to walk, what factors will affect my path and most importantly, it will be something completely new. This might seem like an overly dramatic description to some, but its actually how I'm feeling.

Whatever happened today, tomorrow will be different. I know that this concept has been pounded into our heads from our very beginnings, but its true. I don't think that we realize the immensity of it. Every single day will be totally different from any of the other days. This is on the small scale though, day by day. What I'm talking about is big major events that will knowingly or not, influence the rest of my life dramatically. One word that comes to mind is immense. I think I'm begin to realize the expansion of our universe. The real size and significance of things and it scares me.

Our world is so deep, so beautiful, so indescribable. I'm not just talking about nature. I'm talking about our bodies, our mental processes, about humans in general. What a spectacular creation we are! And what a spectacular Creator we have. Sitting here in the silence of my thoughts, listening to the slosh of the cars driving by, I'm realizing so many things at once. One of my new favorite quotes can just about sum up my emotions: "When I admire the wonders of a sunset, my soul expands in worship of the Creator." -Ghandi. Thats what I'm trying portray. My soul expanding in worship of the Creator.

I love thinking of Him in that way. The Creator. It just makes it so personal because he knows every single cell of your body. He knows my weaknesses and my strengths. He knows the things I haven't even figured out about myself. And not only does know all that, but He put it there. He knows I'm human. I admit that lately I've been feeling like He's far away. Being at school can be downright discouraging sometimes. I like flashy, sparkly things. I like to be involved with everything. I like questionable music. And after school, I always think, you know, I could have all that. They seem so happy. Pep fests, coronations, parties, football games, I could be part of all that. But at what cost?

That is when I have to close my eyes and readjust my focus. A Bible verse comes to mind, its in Russian and I have no idea how it translates but its about focusing on the heavenly things not earthly. And being the kind of person that I am, its so hard. I've been there, I've done things I'm not proud of but what really hurts is that I'm not too ashamed either! I liked it! Some things I'd never repeat, but others I'm not so sure. Sometimes I feel like just giving in to the old desires. And then prayer kicks in.

Seriously, prayer is the best secret weapon ever given to a Believer. I find myself saying little prayers every now and then. I'd like to clarify that by "little prayers" I mean its little thoughts that I say to God. Things like "wow I need some help right now", or "that was amazing, thank You so much" and it helps me focus more. I know I mess up, I know I want things that clearly go against my beliefs and yet I try to stay as far as possible from all that because one day, it will be worth it.

Looking into the eyes of my Savior one day and seeing all that love toward me, it will all be worth it. I can imagine it. He'll know exactly how I felt at my lowest. He'll know exactly how I felt at my highest. He has felt all my pain, all my indecision, all my happiness and triumph. Looking into His eyes, I'll see it all reflected at me. Until that day, I have so much to live for. He is my everything and every microbe of my body is known to Him. How could I ask for more? He created me and gave me my friends, family, this amazing world around me; He gave His life for me; He gave me eternal life. The least I can do is strive to do my every breath for His glory alone.