What Do You Do?

There are so many things that are changing in my life right now. Work, school, relationships, outlooks on life: its all so different than it was just half a year ago. Sometimes I feel older than the rest of my friends or classmates even though often I'm actually the younger. Life makes you into who you are, and my life has been very interesting.

Lately, so many things from my past have come back. Its making me think. Its making me re-examine my life and see if I've improved from who I was. And its just good memories to remember. Life is generally good right now! Mostly. I'm a little uncertain about my future. I have so many choices, but what to chose. Stability is not a big factor right now. Which makes me sad! Another thing is love. I don't wanna think about it but it could be true. My love could be one sided. It sure feels like it. But what can I do? He used to make me feel special, but now...I can see myself without him. And the longer this continues, the more I realize that there are others out there. Others who also realize that I'm out here! It was a big discovery to find out what people think of me in my youth. I was pleasantly surprised!

So what should I do? Just pray and wait? Thats all I can do. I wonder if our love is disappearing. If it is, I won't stop it. You can't force love. Often people say that the girl must love and then it will work. Maybe thats true. But what if the guy doesnt? I'm starting to feel that he doesnt. It hurts so much but my poor heart is actually used to it. Thats a sad fact but its true. I wonder if he realizes that I might not keep loving if things keep going this way? I actually believe he think I'll never leave. Maybe he wants to leave. Either way, I need a decision, soon! I don't want to be wasting my life. Especially on something that is becoming harder and harder to love. I hope it works out, but right now, that seems quite unlikely. That makes me sad but the more days that go by, the more I think its right. Time to leave?

I hope I can look back on this post and be able to say that everything worked out well. I don't think anyone wants to fall out of love. But it happens. Either way, I know that its all God's will. Although with each day that passes, I see more in my friends here...and less in my love there. I hope this is simply a momentarily lapse of togetherness. I don't want it to end. No one likes a broken heart. But as of right now, I don't think he loves me very much. And whats the use of loving the one who doesn't love you? (in a non-Biblical sense). Its all so complicated. And I'm at a loss of what to do and what to think. What should I do??