Someday.

Its funny to look back and read over past blog posts. Its fun to do that with memories in life. When you look back at the path you've already walked on, things are so much clearer. Looking back on my anxious anticipation before the Oklahoma trip, I laugh a little to myself. I fully understand my feelings but now that its all happened, its a little funny to think about. The trip itself was a huge blessing. I absolutely love all the people with who I was with. I know they aren't perfect, but wow, they love each other so much. It was just so cozy to have about 20 people in the house, kids watching Russian tv and coloring, the men in the sauna, the women making the tea, and then us coming home from a fun filled day :) Everyone goes to relax, and the cycle repeats itself with us. Me and my love make tea while the guys sit at the table and chat. Then we all sit and just enjoy each other's company.

I have to admit I'm sure I loved it there so much because he was always there. And his family is absolutely amazing. Not just because of him, but quite a bit. He actually does seem to make my dreams come true. Maybe he is the prince who I've been waiting for, maybe he's not, but I can say that we've both grown in our love for God. He's not perfect, neither am I but there's something that binds us so closely together: our complete love and devotion to our Creator. I'm sure we would have had plenty of happy times together if we weren't believers, but knowing Jesus as our Savior makes everything so much more meaningful. I believe that right now, we're in the center of His will. My one desire is to keep God first, and when I do that, everything else will fall into place.

I'm coming to realize that life isn't really that great. There's so much horribleness in the world. People have no meaning in their lives. And when they think they do, its a shallow meaning which doesnt last. It makes me wonder how much love and patience our God has! He's a jealous God, because He deserves it. He wants to be our everything because He's the only one who can be our everything successfully. People make their families their priority, their jobs, happiness, whatever, and it never ever ever ends well. I guess its hard to realize but the carefree days of our lives are over. Responsibility covers everything. We will have to answer for every single dumb, evil, mean thing we did, do, and will do.

God isn't just the happy, loving, forgiving God. He will hold you accountable for every single rule that you've every broken. For every single time you lied, you'll have to pay with you life. Personally, I would need about a million lives to cover all my lies, and thats only lying. What about everything else that I do? Thats the side the so many "Christians" ignore. The fair side of God. He is everything, loving, merciful, kind but He's also fair, strict, demanding God. He likes order and structure. You will answer for everything you did.

I can just imagine myself on judgment day, when God starts reading off every single thing I've ever done, thought about, everything. There'll be the proud moments, when I did a good thing, but how many more bad things have I done! It'll be such shame, I can't even imagine. And yet, there's One who will be able to stand between me and the anger of God. On judgment day, when God will be reading off every thought of mine, and his anger will be building and building. He'll be as a judge ready to sentence a repulsive criminal to death, and the Jesus will step in, and God's eyes will immediately change into love. Love for his pure, innocent Son. And Jesus will hold me tightly and say, "All that you did before...its all gone. I erased it with my own blood and agony." and I'll become perfect, pure and spotless. It'll be as if I've never lied, never hated, never lusted, never angered, never swore, never anything. That will be one amazing day.

After I consider that, what is this life right now? Yeah, maybe its a little tough, maybe I'm worried, maybe I'm exhausted. But just a little bit left. The signs of the final days of mankind before the Rapture are everywhere. Both frightening and exciting. Frightening because it could be in a second, it could be tomorrow during 3rd hour, a week from now, 5 years from now, but it'll come. Exciting because after that I'll never worry again. I'll never be tired or sick, I'll never be cold. I'll see my grandma and grandpa's, I'll see mom, I'll see my friends, I can finally meet all the Biblical people whom I've read about. And at that moment, I'll know that every time I took a chance and shared my faith with someone, everytime I told someone about God's love for them, everytime they laughed at me, everytime they called me innocent, or stupid, it'll be worth it. I'm so excited to see everyone. All who accepted Jesus's sacrifice of death on the cross. Man, I can't wait.

Meanwhile, I'm gonna try to take as many people as I can. Its hard though. I hate being rejected. But I need the remember that the power isn't in the messenger, its in the message. My job is to tell people, God will do the rest. He does so much for me already, I know I can trust Him some more. I'm so excited to see how He will work in the future. What will be different, what will be the same. I know that whatever happens, it'll be beautiful. My story will be completely different than anyone elses. It'll have God's fingerprints all over it. It'll have mine, maybe it'll have his. All I know is that right now, I know I'm doing what God wants in the love situation. My main goal, is to have Him glorified. If I just keep focusing on that, He'll give me the love I've always wanted and never expected. Pretty great, right?

Pretty Unbelievable

Its unbelievable that in about 14 hours I'll be in Oklahoma. Anxious? Oh yes. But I'm also very excited. Just to see how everything turns out! It'll be much fun to write a reflection post for after the trip and compare everything. I must say that these trips actually teach me things. Right now, I've been praying more than ever because I really need God's blessing for this trip! It's been the only thing I can think about for about the last 2 days. Why do I need God's blessing? Well because I have no control over what happens, very little control anyways. But if I keep readjusting my focus, I'll remember that "hey, God is in control" and when He's in control, it will always turn out great! Even if this trip is horrible and nothing goes right, I want to be able to just say, this is what God wanted and in some way, its going to benefit me. I might never understand why, but thats what we have trust for!

I have to say that I haven't written about him in quite a few postings. I think I might as well considering I'll see him very soon. Thats about all I'll write because seriously, I have much more important things. If he's mine, God will provide. If he's not, God will show. Its pretty simple!

Mostly, I'm excited for the ride there. I love driving long distances because it gives me time to just talk with Jesus. Its actually one of the best times ever. And just seeing the the senery! Again and again, it amazes me to see the extent to how amazing is my God! Also, can't wait to get away from the family for a little bit. Even though they're coming with me, I'll be driving, lost in my own thoughts.

I love losing myself in my thoughts, its just so interesting to see where it goes. So very excited and nervous, but mostly just happy. Everything is a little rushed and tense here, so off we go :)

Tears.

Its times like these when we need a Savior. We need Him always but especially, when nothing else is left. I don't understand what is going on. I don't understand why. I don't understand the failures and disappointments that keep happening at times when we're at our lowest. I wish I understood. I really do wish I could just say, it'll all be better in the end. But I can't because it might not be better in the end. We try so hard to love our God and please others, live with a sincere passion and defined purity, yet these things keep happening and we don't understand. I do want to ask why, but I have no right. Who am I, a worthless little human, to demand an answer from the Creator of everything, the mighty Savior? And yet, I do! I ask why life is so unfair? Why does everything I do come right back and laugh at me? Why does luck seem to hate me? And most of all, why do You seem so far away sometimes?

I know the answer though. I can hear it in the silence of my own anger and frustration. He whispers quietly through my thoughts, through the rustling of the leaves, through the whistling of the wind. "Its to make you more loving, pure, and gentle". I asked for it myself. I asked God to make me more like Him, to help me love others more, to look on the inside not outside, to reflect all of God's love in my every breath and He will always give what I ask for.

Living in our padded, comfortable world of school, work, friends, family, we forget that there is a world out there. There are people who fight to live another day. People who dream about real food. People who are in need of His love. God needs to shake us up, remind us of how selfish we've become. "Not to us, but to Your name be the glory" What happened to that mind set? How easy it is to become occupied with the chain of tragedy that has been overshadowing our lives (I speak for myself anyways). We become so accustomed to all the privileges we get that actually get angry at God when He stirs us a little. Its so much easier to question God than to accept the fact that we need to change.

He ruined my trip plans, He sent me the wrong friends, He doesn't know how low my money is. How wrong that is. Why don't I instead ask why he sent my such amazing, spiritual supporters, such a sweet guy, such a house, and car and a million other things. Right now, life is at an all time low for me. It seems as if any good thing that comes into my possession is quickly taken away, my hopes brutally crushed again and again. And out of nowhere, God sends a little letter, a little text, an encouraging picture, or email and reminds me that He's still there. He knows, He sees, and He's saying just hold on a little longer, I promise you can make it through this. Right now, I feel like my reasons to smile, to even get up in the morning are dwindling by the minute, and yet, I know that tomorrow can be better. Being betrayed, being so deeply disappointed, being so scared about things you wish you could control: it all means nothing when I remember that this is all for a reason. Someday I'll see this is why I was feeling so abandoned, so low. I asked God to make me more like Him and He is just answering my prayer. He's giving me new chances every day to become less like my old self, and more like the perfect image of my amazing God. quote: If God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it. In order to have a real relationship with anyone, trust is essential. Well God, I'm gonna close my eyes and follow you because right now I'm in the darkness and You're the one with the light.

Wilting Flower

I have to say that I actually do feel like a wilting flower. I have so much energy at times, but overall, I'm just thoroughly exhausted. I need to reboot. Also, my headaches are starting to really worry me. I never used to have headaches, but now, its an almost daily thing. Occasional dizziness follows them. I'm too scared to go to the doctor because either its something really bad, or nothing at all. Maybe these headaches are with the coming of this new year and all these responsibilities and worries and I just really need a break.

School was extra tough this week. And combined with the weather, joblessness, moneylessness, and just being sick, no good results. To add on top of it all, the little brothers are turning into full blown teenagers with the arguements and everything. Having passed all that myself, I can stop them from doing some things and going to some places, but they don't understand. Its very frustrating. But you know what, I'll be ok. God has been doing some amazing things in my life lately. Like answering prayers. I have countless, recent stories of how God has been working in my life.

This month of September just flew by. Now its October already and my weekends are completely booked until November. Crazy right? I'm excited though! So much ahead. Probably the most amazing thing for me to realize lately is the fact that I understand my dad!! Even when he is yelling or lecturing me or just being parently annoying, I understand why! Its just a really weird thing but its helping me be a better daughter. I still have much to improve on, but what I've realized is that while he isn't perfect, he sure is smart! I actually wonder why I've never realized this before but my dad is so right! I know he's human, still makes mistakes, but wow, he's a smart guy. I guess life does teach you lessons.

I've also realized that most of our disageements were my fault and he was right in them after all. He is constantly lecturing about my lack of cleaning, and you know what, he is right! I need to do a much better job! Its hard to agree and calmly accept what he's saying sometimes, because my fiery nature is so similar to his and always wants to counter-argue what he's saying. And that is not good. But with God's grace and strength, I can learn.

Parents are actually the foundation for the rest of our lives. They are so important. And before any permanent lasting change can be made in our lives, the first should be good friendship with parents. And people, treasure your family. I can't even begin to describe the importance of that. I only hope God will teach me to be wise with my family. They are actually so so important.

Maybe this is why I'm so drained of energy. Big realizations like this! Times are so hard right now, but it will get better. The flower will bloom again :) I know it! But meanwhile, I need to step up and start learning how to live responsibly. Tomorrow is cooking and cleaning day with Bible study in the evening. Sounds absolutely perfect. Funny thing though: even half a year ago, I would have never ever written this. I never liked these things, cooking cleaning. My dad was too strict and my family too much of a burden. But as time as gone by, 6 months seems like a short time, but seriously, so much has changed. For the better too. I want to be a blessing in my family, and with my friends. In order to do that, I need to try. Favorite quote for today: God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called. How true. If you have the desire, a real burning desire, God will give the the opportunities to do it, always. God has given me the opportunity to practice being a real friend, christian, future wife, and just loving God more: my family. My family is where real spiritual growth and change begins. I hope I can do it!

(side note: funny how I started talking about myself and problems, then ended up talking what I need to do to change)

Year of a Lifetime

I have to say that I feel like this will be the year of a lifetime. I really don't know why I feel that way, but I do. Something about each day is so special, so unforgettable. Already this year I have come to realize many, many things. My tastes and preferences are changing. My view on the world is changing. Everything is changing. Its a little unnerving but at the same time exciting. Its as if I've been walking on a little path(I prefer to think of a path through a forest or meadow) and as I'm walking I realize that I'm walking through a thick fog which enables me to only see a few inches in front of my feet. Suddenly I stop. At that very moment I feel as if I'm standing on the edge of a precipice. Maybe it isnt a precipice, maybe its a river, maybe its some animal but its something that will change the course of my path. It will tell me exactly in which direction I will continue to walk, what factors will affect my path and most importantly, it will be something completely new. This might seem like an overly dramatic description to some, but its actually how I'm feeling.

Whatever happened today, tomorrow will be different. I know that this concept has been pounded into our heads from our very beginnings, but its true. I don't think that we realize the immensity of it. Every single day will be totally different from any of the other days. This is on the small scale though, day by day. What I'm talking about is big major events that will knowingly or not, influence the rest of my life dramatically. One word that comes to mind is immense. I think I'm begin to realize the expansion of our universe. The real size and significance of things and it scares me.

Our world is so deep, so beautiful, so indescribable. I'm not just talking about nature. I'm talking about our bodies, our mental processes, about humans in general. What a spectacular creation we are! And what a spectacular Creator we have. Sitting here in the silence of my thoughts, listening to the slosh of the cars driving by, I'm realizing so many things at once. One of my new favorite quotes can just about sum up my emotions: "When I admire the wonders of a sunset, my soul expands in worship of the Creator." -Ghandi. Thats what I'm trying portray. My soul expanding in worship of the Creator.

I love thinking of Him in that way. The Creator. It just makes it so personal because he knows every single cell of your body. He knows my weaknesses and my strengths. He knows the things I haven't even figured out about myself. And not only does know all that, but He put it there. He knows I'm human. I admit that lately I've been feeling like He's far away. Being at school can be downright discouraging sometimes. I like flashy, sparkly things. I like to be involved with everything. I like questionable music. And after school, I always think, you know, I could have all that. They seem so happy. Pep fests, coronations, parties, football games, I could be part of all that. But at what cost?

That is when I have to close my eyes and readjust my focus. A Bible verse comes to mind, its in Russian and I have no idea how it translates but its about focusing on the heavenly things not earthly. And being the kind of person that I am, its so hard. I've been there, I've done things I'm not proud of but what really hurts is that I'm not too ashamed either! I liked it! Some things I'd never repeat, but others I'm not so sure. Sometimes I feel like just giving in to the old desires. And then prayer kicks in.

Seriously, prayer is the best secret weapon ever given to a Believer. I find myself saying little prayers every now and then. I'd like to clarify that by "little prayers" I mean its little thoughts that I say to God. Things like "wow I need some help right now", or "that was amazing, thank You so much" and it helps me focus more. I know I mess up, I know I want things that clearly go against my beliefs and yet I try to stay as far as possible from all that because one day, it will be worth it.

Looking into the eyes of my Savior one day and seeing all that love toward me, it will all be worth it. I can imagine it. He'll know exactly how I felt at my lowest. He'll know exactly how I felt at my highest. He has felt all my pain, all my indecision, all my happiness and triumph. Looking into His eyes, I'll see it all reflected at me. Until that day, I have so much to live for. He is my everything and every microbe of my body is known to Him. How could I ask for more? He created me and gave me my friends, family, this amazing world around me; He gave His life for me; He gave me eternal life. The least I can do is strive to do my every breath for His glory alone.

Pure As Gold

I have so much to say but I actually can't figure out how to phrase any of it. Very unsual for a person like me. I guess its because I don't know where to start. Its just a circle of things that are all tied to each other and there is no beginning or end. Lets start with school.

To my utter suprise, I enjoy it. I absolutely love being loaded down with seemingly useless things to do. Maybe its because I know that I am getting smarter even if I will never use that piece of information in my life, its satisfactory to know that, hey I know this. I admit, not all of my classes are like this, some I loathe but the majority I actually do enjoy! Maybe this is all because I'm hoping with all my heart that I'll be able to do PSEO next semester. If not, it will be a great and sudden blow, which I think I'll get over anyway.

Another thing is work. I need it so badly yet all my attempts at getting a job are rejected. Others who seem to have much less of an urgency for a job, seem to get all the opportunities. Why do I need a job? No, not because I need clothes, although I do need winter gloves and a scarf and a nice church sweater. If I ever get a job, I doubt my money will be spent on clothes. First, I have about 10 birthdays coming up, as well as thanksgiving, christmas and new years. Also, I now officially pay for my own gas and I drive about 50 miles a day, at least. I also want to start paying for my own phone. And lastly, any other expenses that occur such as contacts, school stuff, etc, I want to pay on my own as well. I've been doing all that all summer and although I only spent maybe 2oo in clothes, (actually I bought shoes and a coat, so only 100 on actual clothes), it has been very liberating.

I guess thats really what I'm aiming at. Liberty. Freedom. Indepndence. I believe I'm ready for more reponsibility, and I want to take it all on me, but I just don't have the resources. I'm actually thinking about going and applying at a food place. I believe I will. Because, I hate asking my dad for money, I really do. It seems unfair to him and rude of me. What has this world come to? :)

As for this guy situation, I'm very glad that I tell my friends the minimum. Its just something not to be shared. And after the retreat, I got my answer, well what I thought was my answer. On the day I was fasting, God gave me a second answer. Now I can see how it all works. Truely its amazing. While I haven't completely shut him out of my life, I have become much more wary and focused on God instead of him. I actually can't wait until he comes just because I want to set things straight. Share my thoughts, and my decision. This time, I want us to pray. It will be impossible for me to get along with a guy who doesn't love God, doesn't have Him as the center of his life because thats what God is to me: everything. As a friend, as a human, he is an amazing, perfect companion for me but there are big issues that we need to straighten out when it comes to our friendship from the God's aspect.

Also, I've found that now that I get up earlier for the carpool deal, I actually have time to pray and read my Bible every morning. And wow, it has been such a blessing. I don't always understand why when I try so hard, God seems so far away sometimes. But one thing keeps me going:

"I know not why God’s wondrous grace

To me He hath made known,

Nor why, unworthy, Christ in love

Redeemed me for His own.

But I know Whom I have believèd,

And am persuaded that He is able

To keep that which I’vecommitted

Unto Him against that day.

Its an amazing song and really it keeps me going. I really want to be an instrument of God, that He can use me in some amazing way that will bring Him glory. Another song that really means alot to me we used to sing in FBS:

God never moves without purpose or plan.
When trying His servant and molding a man.
Give thanks to the LORD, though your testing seems long.
In darkness, He giveth a song.

O REJOICE IN THE LORD!
He makes no mistake.
He knoweth the end of each path that I take!
For when I am tried and purified,
I shall come forth as gold.

I could not see through the shadows ahead,
So I looked at the cross of my Saviour instead.
I bowed to the will of the Master that day,
Then peace came, and tears fled away!

Now I can see testing comes from above,
God strengthens His children, and purges in love.
My Father knows best, and I trust in His care;
Through purging, more fruit I will bear.

That actually has been the song of my life. It actually has! And the best part is that its actually true! So when school gets so stressful, and my job quest is at a dead end, and my friends seem to be so much better, and i dont know what to do with my family and I'm about to give up; all I have to remember is that God is letting me go through this stressful time because in the end, I will be as pure as gold. He's just taking away all the extra layers of dirt and grime that I build up when I stray away from Him. I just need to keep my eyes on my Savior.

I actually can't imgine life for the people who don't know Jesus as their Savior. What do they do when life gets hard? When they feel abandoned, unloved, and alone? As people saved by the blood of Christ, we always have one light shining in the day or night, in the good times and bad, but other don't. Those are the people to whom we are sent to. Not because we're better or privileged, but because they are missing out on the best thing in their entire life. Accepting Jesus actually is life changing, nothing will ever be the same. And I love it.

Like the first song I posted, I've commited to Christ my life, my heart, my desires, emotions, goals, plan, failures, mistakes, happy times and sad times and I trust Him to take care of my until He comes and takes me home. Awesome right? Every believer(I dont like the word Christian too much anymore) has this amazing assurance in Jesus's ability to always love and protect, but also reprimand and discipline. Always for our benefit and not destruction. Now off to the real world full of family fights, homework, joblessness, indecisivness, insecurity, lonliness, unhappiness. Thankfully I won't have to handle any of those things alone, because I have someone much more powerful and all-knowing who can direct me in my choices. Slava Bogu.

Like a Million Raindrops.

Thats actually a line from a song, a song which I'd rather not remember right now. Its a great song, just not in the mood for it. I'm not sure what mood I'm in. One feeling really stands out though. I feel like I'm on the brink of something big. Something new, something totally different. Our life is constantly changing, whether we notice it or not. But every once in a while, our life drastically changes. Not in any particular way, but we notice it and the people around us do too. I feel like that gonna happen. I have so much enegry but no way to release it! So I cook and clean and spend time with my family, and the weirdest out of all of this is the fact that I like it! I heard someone say that once that happens to you, you're probably gonna get married soon. To which I say, NOO!

Truthfully, it sounds absolutely wonderful though. To get away from here, or to just have him here. But either way, have a secure future more or less. Right now everything is so unpredictable. Again, it feels like I'm not good enough for anyone! People say looks don't matter much, its whats inside that counts....yeah well, good luck convincing me of that! I really want to be perfect for him. In every single way possible. Perfect looking, perfect personality, perfect home skills, perfect love for Jesus. Thats obviously unrealistic, I know, but nonetheless, I believe in it. This whole thing has me a little scared. I'm putting too much of him in my life, but not enough of HIM (get it? too much of my friend, but not enough of God).

I really really want a close relationship with God. I miss Him. When thoughts like these come, that why can't people just love me for who I am, what more do I have to do to be accepted, what am I doing wrong...I just remember that all these feelings were already previewed by Jesus. He knows exactly what I'm feeling and why and best of all, He knows for what reason. Again and again, "All things work togather for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose". And they do. Every single time I feel left out, like no one loves me, like all of my friends are better than me; all I have to do is remember that God is letting me experience this for a reason. Its really a comforting thought! Even though I feel so alone, I'm not. And not only is God with me, but He also knows where I'm going!

It literally makes my heart sing. Just how amazing, how awesome, how powerful is the God I serve. His presence is undeniable. How can people look outside and watch the pouring rain, hear the booming thunder and say that there is no God?! Just studying the way our veins take blood around our body, wow, its amazing. Brings me back to that message that we watched in camp. Look it up on youtube: Louie Giglio - Laminin.

Its amazing really. Its just a clip of the whole thing, but its a pretty powerful part. I guess sometimes we forget what really matters. Yeah it seems big that you don't get invited, that you might not fit completely with the youth, that he'll get tired of you; what really matters is living our every breath for the glory of God. Man, I sure have forgotten that lately. I got so caught up in my social life, that God had been slowly getting pushed back. I kept looking past all the little things that He kept doing for me. The little prayers He has been answering. I prayed for a good intense volleyball game, He gave me 3 awesome games. I prayed that the camp would leave me satisfied and happy, He gave me the happiness I never even expected. I prayed that God would let him visit so I could just see him, He gave me one of the best visits I've had with my friend. Just so many little things that make me so happy, and I take it all for granted.

Camp overall was awesome. I really liked it! The ending soured it, but oh well, thats what Russians are. It really depended on what you came for. The topic of the camp was Personal Relationships with God. Something I personally really had to hear. Also, him visiting for a few hours made it so much more special. The amazing talk we had and to spend time with some of his friends and my Karina. Speaking of which, she's the one I can look at and feel happy again! She doesn't have to be invited to all our group stuff, yet she's happy. Her life is finding its own course. I really could not ask for a better friend. She's shared the best moments of my life with me. And yet, there's so much about her that she doesn't tell the world. See, I want to be like that. I'm getting better at it : ) My friends don't know half the things that go on in my life. And again and again, I want to thank God for my friend. The special one. Our conversations aren't even about us most of the time, they're about our friends, family, lives. Thats so amazing. Helps with the whole pride thing too and lets us both find out so much about each other.

Our friendship has come to the point where I really do care about it. If he cut off all communication suddenly, wow it would hurt. Quite a bit. But I can honestly say that I haven't given away any emotional or physical part of myself. Thats the point of this friendship. And of course, its natural to miss a friend, or to be happy when they write, but not overly so. One problem is that I don't feel good enough for him. I can't say I have the best personality out of everyone(i have problems too) and he seems so amazing. I'm most definatly not the prettiest girl out there while he's riduculously handsome. He seems too good yet I can see his faults. And they make him seem all the better. He's my one ray of sunshine in the scary looking future. Oh and can't forget the family, from both sides : ) The stories...oh funny. You know, all in all, my life is great.

I will say that I've been through more in my few years than some adults will go through in their entire lives. And God did say He has an extra special plan for all the orphans out there. Maybe my friend is part of this extra special plan? How amazing that is. That God really cares. I really can't stop being amazed. People say that religion is for weak people and while that may be true for religion, its so not true for this. This isn't religion, its life. Its a happiness, a peace, a unearthly feeling of knowing you're loved and watched over and He's in control. Why in the world would someone want to discard this precious gift of salvation, I can't even comprehend that! I can just imagine how hard it is for unbelievers to understand. Its like trying to describe water to someone who's never seen or heard of it. How do you tell them that you can't live without it when they've never tried it. Our God is like that. It impossible to try some of Him and live without Him. Our souls were designed to search for a higher power, for a deeper meaning to life. God designed us this way in order for us to find Him. Pretty powerful.

Guess we'll end on a happy note today. Its gloomy,raining and cold outside, but Jesus knows. He knows that you're sad or frustrated or unloved. He has a perfect reason for letting you go through that happiness or sadness. It will all end up for good if we let go and say "Jesus, just gonna keep my eyes on You and trust You to make sense of this crazy life for me because I know I can't."