Two Is Better Than One.

Two is better than one is the title of one of my new favorite songs(currently, they change every few weeks). Its such a pretty song though! It reflects my pattern of thinking pretty accurately. This life is amazing lately. I might be saying that because I'm on spring break but looking back on the past few weeks, I'm happy to be alive! It really has been rough. But there have been so many blessings. Girls Bible Study is amazing. A group of friends coming together, encouraging each other, reading Scripture, and drinking tea. Nothing could be better! I miss my Identity Bible study though. Work is really taking my life up. I'm not complaining though. I'm so grateful for my job, and I actually like working there very much!

Trip to Oklahoma coming up after tomorrow. I'm apprehensive about saying anything about it because I have mixed feelings. Mainly, I'll be happy to just take a road trip with my family :) Of course, spending time with my love will be great too! I think I'm finally realizing what people when when they say that life flies by. It literally feels like its flying. So many new things, new choices, ideas, friends, opportunities. Its overwhelming but oh so exciting! Summer is so close I can almost taste it but yet its still so far away.

Right now I feel like I have the whole world to chose from. Opportunities are so unlimited! The opportunities to witness are actually coming at me, all I have to do is take them. I'm sad to admit that I do fear the criticism of others. I've found out that religion is okay as long as you're not too into it. People won't mind if you are "religious" but if its the driving passion of your life, then you're strange. Why is that? What is it about Christianity that strikes so many chords that people don't want to hear? I dislike using the word Christianity because it doesn't mean what it used to. What is it about people who dedicate their lives to Jesus and the way they live and believe what they say that creates opposition from others? Why isn't Buddhism or Islam looked down upon? There is so much evidence about Jesus. About His life and how TRUE He is.

When things happen, you can call it coincidence, or just luck, but there comes a point when you can't call it that! There is a supernatural world, everyone can relate to that at some point in their life. One cannot live life and then disappear. Science proves that matter that exists at some point, especially when it is so complex like humans are, it can never simply disappear. There is always some trace left. Whether its a microscopic trace, or a gaseous trace or 1/1000000000 of an atom, there is always something. The earth is matter, humans are matter...we cannot simply disappear with no trace. There is life after you die and I only wish that someone could come back from the dead and tell the world that life exists after death! Heaven and hell exist! Oh wait, someone already had done that. The rich man and the beggar story. The rich man came back from the dead but did anyone believe him? No. Jesus came back from the dead and yet there are millions of people who refuse to acknowledge the Bible. There are historical facts about the Bible that prove its right. If one part is right, the entire things is right. Scientific evidence, historical evidence, anything you want, its in the Bible.

Life isn't a joke. Its serious and every decision we make will reflect upon our futures. Heaven and hell aren't some made up places used to scare people into submission during the Middle Ages. They're real and my heart cries out to the people who refuse to acknowledge it. Someday, the day will come and the whole world will see that life really was serious. Jesus isn't a joke. He is real and He really does change lives. What I believe in isn't something I need for self confidence or some other excuse that people think we need Him for, its something I need to function. Otherwise, what would be the point in my existence??? I was hoping to make this a short post, but then I went off again. Its just that there's such a fire in my soul for Christ! It comes out because its so important! I have to share it when anyone that I can because they need to hear! Some of the questions I asked on here, I really do want an answer for. Maybe someday someone will answer them because sometime in our life, we really need to stop and think seriously.

As for two being better than one, its just another miracle and just another way that God shows His love to us, but giving us love for others. Not just any kind of love. but His love. Because He is love itself.

Don't Give Up.

Sometimes exhaustion can really overtake us. Too many things happening at once. Thats a little bit of how I feel at the moment. Health wise doing ok, but not 100%. School wise, I try but it seems to do little good, so now I'm trying harder. Work wise, its great but it takes a toll on you when you never have time to relax. Church wise, even more work, getting ready for all the summer projects and conferences and etc.

Today was an amazing chance to be home alone for once. Drink some tea, get some rest. It didn't turn out that way because there is just so much to be done all the time. And being the only female in the house, its up to me to do it. I'm just feeling a little worn out right now. I just dream about going back to Cancun, or anywhere like that. Just get away for a little. No family, no work, no school, just life. It sounds amazing but sadly, thats not the way life works. Things have started to move so quickly. Time really is just flying by and I feel like I'm falling behind a little. I wish I had more energy which is why I can't wait for the warm weather!

The only thing that really keeps me going is knowing God is right here beside me, sharing my pain and exhaustion and frustration. He sees it and He's saying just hold on a little longer. Your break will come and until then, work as hard as you can. Today was a chance to do some Bible study homework and just reflect on the love of my Savior for a while. Its been too long since I've been able to just sit down and think about my relationship with my Jesus. It was a great time, I've missed silence and peace. Then the family came home, and life returned to its usual chaotic state. I'm feeling a little down from all this lack of sleep, food, and time but I know it'll get better.

God has something amazing waiting for me and until then I can just go one day at a time. Somedays seem like they'll be great, but by the end of the day, I'm so emotionally and physically tired I can't even think. Its all a process of growing up and I don't like it! It takes so much away from me, but you know, at least I'm giving something back. Being a Christian is all about giving others you love, time, energy, everything. And its not easy but its so worth it. Just need to keep my priorities straight. Even though sometimes I feel like what I do doesn't really matter, no one really cares, and I'm just wasting my time, I know I'm not. Life isn't about me, its about God and His creation. That is so hard to remember! Sometimes I just want to curl up and sleep and never wake up because it feels like no one really cares...why am I even trying!? And then I have to remind myself that God has a plan, someday I'll know exactly what it is, but for now, just keep on living.

Its hard but those moments when you feel God is so close that you're brought to tears, they're really worth it. Those kind of moments help you remember that Someone does love you and is watching over you even when it feels like no one understands or even cares. Those moments are so frustrating, make you just want to go outside and scream to the world how much pain you have inside of you and how nothing ever changes. I know exactly how that feels. Try being the only girl in a family...a family that brings you so much pain and tears through their words and actions that they often don't even realize. At times like that, I get reminded that the only one that will always be there is God. A simple prayer really can help. Just close your eyes and tell God everything that is on your heart and while it might not magically solve itself, at least you know that now its in God's hands.

I used to try to control my own life. Keep it in my hands. I knew I was strong enough to overcome anything. I'm like that, nothing really hurt me, I always bounced back. But as I kept growing up, I realized that I could get hurt, and I did. My plans always failed and my people always failed me too. Thats when God came into the picture. Actually trusting Him, not just saying you trust Him but actually put your entire life out there and say, "Its all Yours". After my friends fail, my family doesn't understand, even my sweetheart makes me cry, I have to constantly remind myself that Jesus is the only one I can rely on. He will always be there and He has an exact number for all the times that my heart was groaning with the pain life brought. He has an exact number of teardrops that I've cried and He knows how tough life can be. And He won't forget about it, He will always be carrying me. Sometimes, all we need in life is Someone to hold us tight and say that it'll be ok.

Always Works Out

The first week of the new semester is almost over, and God's blessings won't stop pouring in! AP Government is a class I didn't want, but couldn't switch, and now I can see why! This class is going to be where we debate issues such as abortion, gay marriages, death penalty and I already see why God gave me this class! To show my testimony through it! Also, in Enriched Biology, with the evolution unit coming up, I can't be more glad to have another believer in the class! Its already been an amazing encouragement knowing someone understands and upholds what I believe in too, even if its the opposite of what the class is teaching! This will be the semester of a lifetime!

This morning I barely woke up, crawled upstairs to make some coffee and was greeted by the most beautiful sunrise of this year so far! The sky was so accentuated by the silhouettes of the white houses with the snow covered trees. The sun itself was a brilliant gold color with splashes of bright pink sky around it! Already the rest of the sky was turning a soft blue and the entire picture was so breathtaking. It was God's present for my morning. I can almost hear the birds singing in the mornings because spring feels so close!

The kitchen has become one of my favorite places in the entire house. Smelling the chocolate baking and knowing that it'll turn out great is an amazing feeling. Seeing the faces of the family walk in to a spotless kitchen and a ready made dinner with fresh cookies in the oven, is priceless. That is what life is made up of. Those little moments where not only you are happy, but the people you love are happy too! I wish I had realized this earlier! Either way, I'm so grateful to God for letting me have all these amazing people in my life! Especially the ones that are far far away because they make life worth living! I guess I've finally figured out what people mean when they say make every minute count!

Complete Contentment.

There are fluffy little flakes of snow falling slowly but steadily. Already the entire street has been transformed from dull, brown gray frozen snow and ice into a soft blanket of crystal white power. Even though the sun isn't shining, there is still something captivating in the way the snow makes everything seem cleaner and happier. Wrapped up in a fuzzy white blanket that still smells like my best friend's cologne, drinking green jasmine tea and having the entire house completely still, completely to myself is heavenly. Listening to the slush of the cars that pass, and seeing the twirling flakes flying outside the window and reminiscing about old times, there's this warm contentment in the air. It has been a hectic few weeks with finals, job admissions, road trips, chior practices and wedding planning but now life has slowed down for a few hours. I can sit here quietly by myself for a few more minutes before I go to clean and cook and finish homework. Then the family comes back and I have to leave to work. But right now, the world is mine.

My heart yearns to see my best friend even though its only been a week since he left. Distance makes the heart grow fonder and with every day, that quote becomes more and more true for me. I know he'll come again soon but it doesn't help me stop missing him. He is an amazing guy and I'm so very lucky that God brought us together. Meanwhile, we both have to focus on work and school and our church lives until the next time we can be together. Thats fine with me because I know this is the way God wants it. School and work take up so much of my time that its becoming harder to find time for church and my family, but I know it'll all work out. "Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say, Rejoice." Philippians 4:4. No matter how tired I get, no matter how dreary the weather and how stressful school is, I will always be happy. It's not easy but its what the Bible tell us to do and it really works, it does change things. As for contentment: "Contentment with godliness is great gain." 1 Timothy 6:6. Happiness and contentment are covered in the Bible, and those are two things which I wish I had more of.

I'm very content at the moment, and filled with this peaceful happiness, but I need to remember these verses for when the times are harder and it seems impossible to smile, much less be content. I have the most amazing family in the world, the most amazing friends, the best sweetheart and a job, school, house, church, food! How can I not be content? Even if these days seem tough, I know people are struggling with worse times. Even if everything is going wrong, I know it'll get better! The sun will come out again, and the snow will melt! But for now, I can't be more happy with how much I have. Right now, everything is in its place and its only because of my indescribable, uncontainable Savior. My hot tea, the swirling white snowflakes, the soft white blanket and the complete and peaceful silence all add up to complete contentment!

Crystal Clear Love

A brand new year with brand new goals, possibilities, chances, and memories. You can start all over again! You can start where you left off! Main point is, you can restart! This year has flown by faster than the speed of light! I can just imagine how fast this upcoming year will go by. And I'm so thankful for each and every day! It would take forever to recap all that went on this year because there were so many memories.

Looking back at who I was at this time last year, I have to admit that I was a disappointing Christian. One how knows the rules, talks about them, but really doesn't care or believe in them. Hypocritical in a sense. Today, I still have my "say-one-thing-but-do-another" moments, but the main difference is the fact that I truly believe what I say. My God has become actually real to me as never before. I still have those moments where I begin to miss those good old days. Days where you would live only to be happy for yourself. You lived for your pleasure. And it was pleasurable. It was fun! But then those empty moments would come, and you would see that something is missing. You can't say what but there is a deep longing of some sort. A longing for something that you don't think even exists. So you ignore it and fill you life and heart with the plans and enjoyment for today, refusing to consider the consequences or even think about tomorrow.

And one time, I did. I thought about what was really happening. I was happy! I was lively and living a great life, people loved me, I loved them. What else did I need? I really couldn't say. Growing up in a Christian family, of course God and all that was part of my life. I went to church, only to see my friends and dress up. The sermons were boring, the people were boring, and I couldn't wait until it was all over. As long I went to church, occasionally skimmed over some verses in my Bible, and was basically good, I was fine. I considered myself to be a Christian and loving God and everything was great. Until that day that I decided to stop and think.

Nothing much happened that day except I just got sick of life. Boyfriends, parties, drinking, sneaking out, it was all so much fun and the greatest adrenaline rush. It was good to feel dangerous and crazy, but when it was gone, it was gone. There was nothing to feel until the next time. I really can't even figure out how it all happened but very slowly, day by day, Someone was touching my heart. There came a point in the summer where I almost ran away from home. It was probably one of the lowest points of my life and I was ready to quit all this Christian stuff, and just live how I wanted too. None of it felt real, just oppressing and unfair. I started praying what I decided would be my last prayer to the God I really doubted existed anymore. Hours later, tears would not stop pouring out of my eyes. It felt like literally Someone was holding me. I couldn't move because of all the emotion. And since then, my life was rededicated to the One I love most.

I feel like everyone has these amazing life stories. Their deepest emotions and beliefs. Even if I don't agree with them, I still find it fascinating. I'd love to write a book one day. About everyone. Have everyone I know tell me their story and I could write it. Sounds amazing actually. Everyone's story needs to be heard. If they're a believer, the story of how Christ led them to Him needs to be told. If they're not a believer, I still want to know how their life is and then see where their life goes. Words are such a powerful tool, languages are such a powerful tool and God gave me a passion for both. Missionary service sounds amazing not only because I can spread the story of true Love, but also because I get to come into contact with all those people whom I don't know. All the people who Jesus loves. He created every single one with a specific story and each one is so unique.

This brand new year I have a new mission: to record those stories. God has something extra special in store for me and all my friends and people I know. I really believe that this will be the year of a lifetime. We're all going to do great things. Every single person. Greatness depends on your perspective of it, and every single human being to ever inhabit this earth was created for something great. They chose to throw it away, use it for evil, but everyone is and was amazing. Created in the image of God! Crazy thought right there. My story is being written by God and documented by me so I can share it. God is writing billions of stories and I want to document each one and share it. A friend jokingly said one day, "You always have a story for everything." And thats because there IS a story for everything.

There's a burning passion in my heart and it grows every single day. A passion for people. Jesus loved people. I still have so so much to improve, so far to go to be even vaguely like Him, but I will try. Nursing is my hopeful career. Imagine all the people I can meet through that. God made something extra-ordinary in every single person, and I want to make it my mission to find out what that thing is. He loves every single person and I want to know why! Well, I know why...because He is love. But I want to know their stories. I really care about their lives. Easy to say but so hard to do. Its easy to do that about people you will meet only once, but oh so hard to do it with the people you come into contact every day. I have those angry moments, my lack of patience often shows through, but one thing I do have that is overpowering all of that: a real, passionate love for the creation of my Savior. Nature takes my breath away, but people do too.

It won't be easy, I know. Some people make you wonder if anyone loves them, not even talking about finding something beautiful in them. But there is. I need to overcome my bias and truly love everyone. I can't accept everyone but I can love. And thats what I want to have: crystal clear love. Love so pure that it overcomes all boundries, overcomes all the things that try to stop it and cover it with grime. Love that shines like the One who is love itself.

I've noticed, the more I love, the happier I become. Its a win-win situation. He loved me when I least wanted or deserved it and thats the point. Not to love those who are easy to love, but to love those whom you don't want to. Everyone is worth loving because everyone has a special story that only God Himself created. When I open my heart to love the unlovable, God will open up their life story for me and through that, powerful things can be done. Just watch! My main goal for 2010: to love others unconditionally and completely. Just the way that my Jesus loves me.

Something So Captivating.

Maybe its because of the Thanksgiving, Christmas season. The excitement, the happiness, the rush. But there's something so special in the air. Its indescribable. Something so magical, so beautiful about the life we're living. The way we smile, the way we sing, the way we talk. Everything is underlined with this special feeling. I feel about like this about everything these days. It has been a rough couple of weeks. I'm feeling the stress, sleeplessness, and foodlessness (yes that is now a word). But now that I have a chance to relax, just be home, I can look back and honestly say that its been a couple of amazing weeks.

There is something so unique, so precious about every new day. So many new possibilities, so many chances to do something for my Jesus, so many new emotions to discover. I think I'm realizing what they mean when people say "Each day is a gift". It really is. Everything is changing so quickly. It seems as if there aren't enough hours in a day to fully experience all that there is for that day! Maybe I'm feeling this way because of the conference, because so many new chapters of my life are unfolding. So many different aspects are changing.

The conference. We've all waited so long for it and its almost here. Finally. All the guests coming, the friends you haven't seen for half a year. Its not even the social aspect of it (although thats a big part). Its having all the youth together, singing songs to glorify our God, united by a common love for the One who saved us. Looking around during a sermon, you can see some of the different expressions. Some are captivated by message, hanging on to every word. Others are texting, looking for ways out or something to do. Others yet, are asleep. Its pretty great, so many different people, so many different lives, goals, everything. All are gathered togather. Its indescribable.

Going back to the social aspect, conferences are "mating season" as Vika or Jeka put it. Thats true. My special someone is coming but I can honestly say thats not the main reason why I excited. Its interesting to see everyone's true personality/intentions come out. Who hangs out with who doing what. I love it.

Right after that is Christmas, possible Mexico trip, New Years, birthdays, wedding. No wonder every day flies by so quickly. And I'm excited to see what the rest of the days will be. The captivating feeling of something so special, so exciting happening every single day is pretty amazing. Maybe its because with every day, I'm realizing how much everything is changing. Nothing will ever be the same. A year from now, it'll be completely different. And I can't wait.

Maybe 1/Millionth

This is maybe 1/1,000,000,000 out of what and who I really am. But I really want to do it! So here goes:

1. I like mangoes.
2. I see the little things that people often overlook.
3. My Jesus is my everything.
4. High school is a complete waste of time.
5. I love learning, medicine is my passion.
6. Nature, flowers, lakes,oceans,walks, sunshine all have this amazing effect on me.
7. I love very deeply once I've decided to really love.
8. Acting comes naturally.
9. You smile, I smile. I like making people happy.
10. Frustration and worry come quickly with me.
11. Need to be protected by someone.
12. I'm a princess and I'm living my fairytale.
13. Btw...I think I've met the prince too.
14. My church youth inspire me to no end, total happiness.
15. Green tea is life (with no sugar).
16. I love words, speaking,writing, verbally expressing emotions.
17. Very indecisive person.
18. Skirts, dresses, flowers, sparkles- my things.
19. My family is like no other.
20. I believe in true love, complete happiness, and perfect lives.
21. Oceans, beaches, tropics: my dream.
22. Little things (snowflakes, twinkling stars, rose petals, stuffed animals) make me smile.
23. Innocent? To some.
24. I want to do so much, yet often accomplish so little.
25. Very breakable, yet resilient.
26. Romantic to the fullest.
27. Nothing is too much because no matter what, I'm on God's side, washed by His blood.
28. I get easily confused, but once I know something...I know its fact.
29. All I want is to be loved, protected, and happy.
30. I might not be determined, or a leader, or successful, or strong, or charismatic, but I have a heart can love you like no other.

So that was as much as I feel like sharing for the time being. Maybe one of these will pop up again. Pretty much stars, sunsets, flowers, anything created by my God is captivating to me. I love humans and the way they've been wired, our brains, our nervous system, its fascinating. I love love. The concept of it. How God can bring two people together, people who had been living their separate lives, and create in them a passion so deep, so intense that it last for their entire lives and is centered around Him. Its too much to understand, yet God created all this. Its just so beautiful. How lucky we are to be loved by Someone so great, that He cares about our happiness, sadness, everything. Amazing.